Friday, December 10, 2010

Irrational Things That Annoy Me

There are many things that annoy/irritate me; I blame my mother for this. When I was a child she always got annoyed at the simplest most irrational things and I believe she has passed on this wonderful trait to me, even though I fight it every day. If I am in public and hear or see something that annoys me, I take a second, look around and gage other people's reactions. If no one else seems annoyed at what happened or what is happening then I tell myself that I should not be annoyed because, appearing by general consensus, this is not an annoying act, and I would be weird to think otherwise.



  1. When people sneeze. I don't get annoyed at little sneezes but really loud ones out of the blue and depending on age, that makes it more or less annoying. Little boy sneezing, not super annoying, old man sneezing, super annoying.
  2. People clicking metal spoons in bowls. When someone is eating cereal or ice cream or any kind of food that requires spoon and bowl to collide multiple times, I find very annoying.I try to gracefully scope up my food and not clang the spoon around the bowl like It's a dinner bell. I am aware of the noise level that my spoon and bowl make and so should you.
  3. Loud breathers. Case in point; my mom. If I am at the cinema or watching a movie with her I can not stop focusing on the level of noise her breathing is making. It's through the nose, it sounds labored, has a whistle to it (if she has a cold) and sounds as if to much air is trying to get through a very small space, as if her nose cannot accommodate all that air. When I am at the cinema I will lean as far away from her as I can or I Will take my hand and cover my ear closest to her so that I can't hear her. I have debated moving seats, but I think that would offend her.
  4. Loud food bags. I hate when I am at the movies and all I hear is someone digging their hand in the popcorn bag or M&M bag. I will literally look in their bag so that I know how much food is left and then I will start calculating how much time it has taken them to eat that much and how much time it should take them to eat the amount remaining. I get so caught up with these strange calculations that I miss a lot of the movies I see.
  5. People who eat with their mouth open. Oh god, nothing really gets me like watching a movie or sitting at the dinner table and having somebody chew their food like they are a fucking cow out in the pasture grazing or a camel in the Sahara chewing on a piece of straw. You know what else? No matter how many times I can remind someone that they eat with their mouth open, they just continually do it and when I remind them again that act so surprised like this comment is coming completely out of the blue and I have never told them before.
  6. When people drop stuff. I don't like to be on the computer or laying in bed and suddenly I hear something drop, it really annoys me and then the real kicker is when you ask them what they dropped and they say nothing. Nothing? Clearly you must have dropped something to have produced that annoying sound. So, instead of saying nothing, which is two syllables it would be much easier and efficient for that person to say what they have dropped, and that object is usually a one syllable answer. Bowl, fork, spoon, keys, phone, shoe. I am not saying that all dropable objects are one syllable but please, dropping nothing on something does not make a sound. So, stop laughing in the face of reality and tell the truth.
  7. Slow people in line ups. Of course I hate the penny counters and the price checkers and the coupon users but I have something that tops all of that. I was at the grocery store late one night because it was the first Tuesday of the month and that means customer appreciation day at Safeway where you save 10% off of your bill, and even tho I was so tired because I had worked my two jobs that day, I still had to go at 11 o'clock at night. I finish my shopping and I am standing in line at the only cashier available. I am next to be rung through and all that is ahead of me is this older woman and her boring plain looking daughter. Her daughter had frizzy reddish brown hair that was in a long braid, no makeup, a jean tuxedo with a really tight belt, runners ( and not Nike's but like the Wilson brand from Walmart), no wedding ring (big surprise) and a super sense of self entitlement. So, they are all done ringing their stuff through and the daughter goes, " Oh I forgot taco chips, I'll be right back." I give the sigh of disapproval which in translation means, " This is am inconvenience and I would like you to know that." Five minutes goes by and the mother starts the mumbling to herself, like I don't know where she could be and I wonder what she's doing, ya me too old broad. 10 minutes goes by so the cashier pagers the fucker, still nothing. 15 minutes, the mother looks like she's going to cry because everyone in line looks like they are going to jump her outside and make her pay for the waiting game she and her daughter has burdened onto everyone. 20 minutes and lo and behold the women comes back with a shopping cart FILLED. She then proceeds to say, " I shouldn't shop when I'm tired, I forget a lot of stuff." She says this so nonchalantly and jovial like it's no big deal and she's such a silly head for being so forgetful. I could not quite understand what had just occurred, so many things were going through my head like, why didn't you write a list, or why didn't you stop to ask yourself if you had everything before you went to the checkout, or why didn't you run your stuff through and then go back and get the other stuff so that everyone didn't have to wait, or why didn't you say sorry when you got back, even a half-assed apology would had been better than simply pointing out your silliness. If I had not had been so tired that night I would had killed them both on the way to their car. Why kill the mother you ask? For producing such a moron.
  8. I hate the sound of babies/children crying. It is so ear piercing and shrilling that I can barely take it. I actually leave stores when I hear children crying. And then there are the people that stop and go, " Oh someones a cranky pants." Uh yes someone is a cranky pants and someone should remove cranky pants from the store because cranky pants is about to give me a seizure. Why don't parents take the kid out of the store. I understand you have a cart of stuff or you're on a time schedule. A.) leave cart at customer service and tell them you will be back once you have silenced cranky pants. B.) You should allot for an extra 30 minutes when leaving the house, in case stuff like this happens and C.) You should know this prior to the pregnancy and don't act surprised when your kid won't shut the hell up.
  9. Dogs barking. I work night shift and there is this dog that barks all of the time. He is located in the house directly behind mine. Oh, I'm sorry not the house behind me, the yard behind me because god knows the owners never bring him inside when he's barking. So this dog barks because he hears another dog barking from a million miles away. If i close my eyes and focus I can faintly hear the other dog. I hate this dog so much, I have actually devised ways of killing it and punishing the family. I have actually reached out to my friends to help devise new and unusual ways of punishment and torture, it's sick it is truly sick but I am running on about 3 hrs of sleep because it never shuts up, never.
For the most part those are the things that truly annoy, there is probably more, but that is for another time.

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