Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Night 7

There used to be a time when I would never cry at a movie that way I could make fun of my mother for crying like a baby, but those times are gone my friend.*SPOILERS AHEAD*

I also didn't cry at films because I didn't want to show emotion. I felt crying at a movie made you weak and I would be damned if I would show weakness. Keep in mind I started thinking this way at around the age of 11, what 11 year old doesn't want to emote feelings, not unless I was some kind of dictator in the past. I would be like Stalin I think, out of all of the dictators and I do like communism, I think it had some fine points and in a perfect world communism would be ideal I feel but alas we do not live in a perfect world and we are stuck with the modern day puppet government that is hidden behind the face of "democracy". Back to movies.

1.) Wall-E

I don't know if I have ever cried so hard in my life and for such a prolonged period. I don't know what was going on but even scenes where nothing was going on made me cry. The scene where Wall-E is by himself and cleaning up the earth and he's collecting all his little toys and he's so very lonely and you can just tell he wants some company and the little fella is so curious about love and relationships, that was heartbreaking. And when he finds Eva and he takes care of her so good, he is just such a kind hearted little robot. Here is the big one tho, in the end when Wall-E would not wake up and Eva was taking care of him like he took care of her, I lost it for a good 10 minutes straight, even through the credits for gods sake. Afterwards my boyfriend asked me why I was crying so much and why I thought it was so sad, as I tried to explain it to him I started crying again.

2.) Harry Potter: The Deathly Hollows

I have hated Dobi in every single Harry Potter movie he has been in. I don't find him cute and I don't find him charming. I always felt that he shouldn't had been so powerful as he was, especially for the way he looked. I am not saying that all powerful creatures should look powerful but this thing weighs about 20 pounds, his hand made robe is constantly falling off of his bony shoulders, he shutters at the smallest sound and he always looks like he is about to cry, there is no way he should be able to do what he can do. Anyways, I am sitting in the theatre with my boyfriend and our two friends and all of a sudden the scene is playing where Dobbi dies. He is laying in Harry's arms and he says, " It's a good day to be with friends." Oh my god. I try to conceal the instant flow of tears by putting my hood on but if anything that just made it more apparent. So, I embrace the emotion , whip off my hood and let the tears flow freely.

3.) Toy Story 3:

This was a good movie period. I get really emotional over animated films for some reason and this was no exception. Toy Story has always been about staying true to your friends and never giving up. One of the final scenes all the toys are lying in the trash compacter and they know it's the end so they all look at each other and hold hands. I can barely type that without crying. How is it that a bunch of animated toys can pull such sadness from my heart? I wanted them to survive so badly and when they did I cried because I was so happy. Happy or sad I cry either way.

There are plenty of other movies out there that make me cry, but these are the more recent ones that really did me in. I'm not very good at warming up to people or expressing how i feel when it comes to vulnerability so I cry during movies to make me feel more human. I don't want to express actual emotion so I invest myself in films and story lines so much so that I feel for whatever is going on. I don't just do this in sad movies but really any kind of movie. The thought of a movie is to escape everyday life but during movies is some of the only time where I can be myself and mask behind the fact that it's just a movie and no one will notice.

My belief is that I held in emotion for so long that now it is coming out in every way possible; I hear a sad song, I cry, I see a small toque, I cry, It's windy and cold out, I cry. This is karma, truly it is. For all those years I would laugh at my mom and my friends that would cry, it is now pay back and it is hitting me hard. I feel better after I cry too. As soon as I start crying, nothing even goes through me head, I think I black out for that period of time and form memories that my outer self had witnessed. You know what doesn't make me cry? The Tim Horton's commercials. I hate the Tim Horton's commercials. They are so cheesy and they are completely geared towards people like me but I can see past the charade and I rebel against it. They are trying to control my emotions by using their heart pulling commercials to speak to the generation of women out there to buy there shit. How dare they play with my emotions like that, all because they want to sell a coffee. Well fuck you Tim Horton's, I will not fall into your trap of emotion and will fight against it until my dying day all though the commercial where the little kids are playing hockey almost got me, you almost got me Tim Horton's. The worst Tim Horton's commercial of all time would be the one where this couple is sitting inside of a Tim Horton's watching a Christmas parade and the a guy outside stands in the way of their view. The woman looks at the man as if to say, "Oh you dumb fuck way to chose a good spot, but at least we have our coffee." and then they laugh together as they smile and take a sip of their drink. Is this supposed to make me want to buy a coffee.
"Coffee now comes with your very own moron that you could probably kick the shit out of."
 If i was with a guy like that, my fear would be that I would accidentally kill him in the middle of the night. My body would sense such a weak presence and wipe him off of this planet in hopes of strengthening the population; my body would take natural selection into its own hands.

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