Friday, December 17, 2010

Night 5

I hate the forced return compliment. You know when someone says, "Oh I love your outfit," or " Cute shoes girlfriend," so you then feel forced to say a compliment back.
The problem I have is trying to find something about the other person to compliment on. It's not that I am perfect and nobody has any kind of nice qualities or accessories to point out, It's that I'm put on the spot and therefore I lag behind the compliment timeline until I have waited too long and then the compliment clearly becomes forced. I have a pre-set of compliments ready to go at any moment, the only variable is, if it male or female. The reason why I have this pre set list is because one time someone said they liked something about me and I paused for a good moment while I scanned them over and over to try and pick out something that they were wearing or an attribute of theirs that was acceptable. They could see the pain in my face and finally I spit out, "You're nice as well." First of all me saying "as well" would indicate that they had called me nice but they hadn't and saying someone is nice is the same as saying they're ugly when it comes down to compliment wise. Now all I have to do when someone compliments me is scroll through the list in my head:

Female:
Nice: Shoes, shirt, pants, clothes, earrings, although earrings is always last resort.
Male:
I like your: Hair, Jacket, sweater, moustache, again moustache is last because more often than not the person does not have a moustache so I end up looking nuts.

Only problem with the list, is that it only works 99% of the time. Sometimes the person is wearing Nike runners, a white t-shirt and old jeans and you clearly can't say you like anything that they are wearing because you would clearly be lying and what they are wearing is very plain and complimenting plain things is a way for them too see through the compliment because no one compliments on runners and a Haynes her way crew neck T shirt. The only thing left to say is, "You've lost weight!" Most of the time girls love hearing that they have lost weight. As soon as you say those words they usually stop listening and start imaging all the beautiful outfits their skinny body can wear because they are losing so much weight but then you get those downer feminists who see right through you. They say shit like, "Actually I've gained weight", or "So I had weight to lose?" Just take the fucking compliment. Why do they have to go against you just for the sake of going against what you are saying. We get it, you don't want your weight to be commented on because then that would mean you are fitting into the stereotype that society has placed on women and you will not be a part of ruining the self esteem of women blah bah blah. Yes, society has subliminally placed those images and ideas into the women of today but that is the world we live in so either take of your Birkenstock's and lighten the fuck up or go live in the fucking woods far away from any of this labeling society. Those are the types of people who only want a compliment if you truly mean it, where as I will take a compliment form a homeless man and think about it all day long.
The fail safe compliment for boys is pointing out something they do well and embellishing it, like so:

So, what do you do on your spare time?
I play guitar
Oh, that's so awesome, I bet you're really good, what song do you play best?
I'm yours by Jason Miraz
I can't believe you just said that, that is my favorite song, I would die to hear you play that one day
Maybe one day, if you're really lucky

and right there is how it's done girls. Boys are way easier to please when it comes to compliments.

This one time when I was in grade 5 I was walking through the park to meet my friends. I had curled my hair into really tight curls because I had no idea how to style my hair, I was wearing a long blue fleece jacket with white wool cuffs from Walmart, a hippie tshirt that was fraying at the bottom because I had worn it so much due to the fact that I thought it made me look thin but if anything the weird prints just accentuated whatever excess weight there was, baggy 725 original jeans and chunky thick walmart shoes with a huge buckle on the side of them. When I met my friends at the other side of the park one of them said, "Oh Larissa I had no idea that was you, I thought it was a supermodel." Of course I took the compliment, even tho I knew that fucker was lying. what supermodel dresses like that and walks through and elementary park at 3:30 in the afternoon? I may had been young but I could see right through that bitches agenda.

Fake compliment is better than no compliment.

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