I think I may be dying. I can sleep no matter what, even if I'm not tired. I just find there is nothing else that I would like to do with my time.
There is this dog that constantly barks behind the house I live in so I have developed a timeline as to which I will file my complaint but there are several steps I must do before hand.
Step 1: Today I went to the street ahead of me and narrowed down the houses as to which it could be. I then went into the back alley and started whistling until I saw the dog. I now know which house it is for sure that this devil lives at. ACCOMPLISHED.
Step 2: Write a letter to the owners asking for them to silence their animal, wait a couple of days and if the noise has not gone down, onto to step 3 then.
Step 3: Go to the house and knock on the door, speak with the owner and if the noise still persists, onto step 4.
Step 4: Filing a complaint with the city.
I'm not really sure if they are violating a noise rule but I sure hate it when that dog barks and maybe if I use empty threats like filing a noise com.plaint they will be so scared that they will make the animal stop. The other week I heard it barking and then in the background I heard another dog barking so this dog barks when it hears the other one, like a chain reaction. I can barely hear the other dog, in fact I have to go put my ear on the window or step outside into the alley to hear the faintest bark. I hope the owner doesn't go mental and plot my death. I have thought about that lately. What if I happen to piss off the wrong guy? What if he wants revenge for me having silenced his dog. I have been thinking about this and I have been taking measures.
- I have been running every morning after my night shift to increase my cardio and endurance levels.
- I have been increasing my reflexes by playing more video games.
- I have several planned escape routes.
- There is a knife under my bead along with several throwing objects.
- I keep a pair of runners by my bed and a pair by the door, in case I need to bolt.
- I have put noise traps by every opening so that I can hear an intruder.
Why are cops at walmart?
maybe someone was stealing.
but why three cars?
maybe they are following someone.
why are they here the day I'm here?
should i look at them to see if they look back?
should I walk faster or will that draw attention to me?
oh god they're going to bring me in.
and from this point I start going through my mind of all the punishable things I have done in my life but then I start going through all the bad things I have done in my life. I think about all the people I have sworn at but then I think they can't bring me in for that but what if they frame me and said I killed someone. These thoughts occupy a lot of my driving time.
Tonight at around 4 a.m. I was getting something out of my car and as I was walking back to the home, I saw this person sit on a bench across the street from the house. I went inside and locked the door. I then sat in front of the door and peered out of the window at the person. I wasn't very well hidden and I think they could see me staring at them. They were either waving for me to come over or they were smoking a cigarette, I couldn't tell. I went back to the window every few minutes to check and after about 20 minutes they were no longer there. Well, that scared me.
I am also scared of being blackmailed. I don't know why someone would blackmail me, I'm not a political figure nor do I have a lot of money but the fear is there. I don't even know what they would blackmail me with and who would care? These fears are completely irrational but sometimes I think they are not.
Maybe that is the crazy creeping in and I constantly have to keep it at bay. I don't talk out loud to myself in fear that it will manifest and when I start thinking to much inside of my head, I read a book and I will myself to focus on the words instead of just skim them. I have developed this ability to talk within my mind while doing any task; talking to someone, reading, watching a movie, running, anything.
I have also developed this person called the "gentleman." If you have seen the movie Coraline he looks like that blue guy from the film.
I tried to show my co workers a picture of him on the Internet once and I could not find it anywhere, that's when I thought he was starting to become real. I know he's fake but I'm afraid the more I talk about him and joke about me being crazy, the higher the chances of him actually becoming part of my reality. I will do things like set an extra plate for him at dinner or put his show times in the calender because he performs every night and if you do not clap with your feet and only your feet he gets angry. He doesn't go outside and I never take him to work but he hangs out at my place at the corners, never open spaces but at the corners. He can climb ceilings and he's usually polite but he is very shy and so far only my boyfriend and I have seen his shows, well I've seen them. Out of the blue I'll ask my boyfriend to clap with his feet because the gentleman just performed and he'll be upset if he doesn't clap. When we go to the movies, I'll tell my boyfriend to buy another ticket because the gentleman is meeting us soon or I'll joke about ordering leftovers for the gentleman. I am always joking about him, in fact talking a lot abut him, even when it's just myself. I figure my crazy clock is ticking down and whenever I bring up the gentleman the clock starts ticking at an exponential rate. Per chance I am not crazy and what I am thinking is actually reality and I am the only person who can see reality because we have been put in a fake world and out true reality allows us to see what they want us to see but I am slowly ripping the border between reality and fantasy and I am exposing reality for what it truly is. I wonder if I will start a war if reality sees that I can see them?
Jesus above, I think I am on my way to the nut house.