Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Night Two

It's dark, cold, rainy, and my night has just begun. I sat back in my chair, closed my eyes, and let my mind wonder to see where it ends up. For some reason I thought of a joke. I don't understand this joke, I don't even think it's a joke, I think it's more of a statement, but the person who told it to me could barely contain his laughter; he though it was so funny.

Q: There are three cows in a barn, they all moo at the same time, which one gave birth?
A: The second one.


That is the joke. What the hell does it even me? I have thought about this joke for weeks, trying to find anything funny about it but I just can't do it. So, according to this man, I have told you the funniest joke of all time but then again this guy also died laughing when he saw I had scratched my almost healed finger. He can barely make out my face but somehow he honed onto a 2 cm, almost healed scratch. He is spitting out water, on the ground, crying at how funny my scratch is. At first I thought he was hallucinating but then he gets up still laughing and he says, "I can't believe you scratched your finger," and closes the door.

I watched the Sorcerers Apprentice last night with Nicolas Cage and it was pretty good. My boyfriend insists Nicolas Cage is a loser actor but we all know the only loser actor is Dennis Quaid. Sure, Nic cage has made some unbelievably fucking stupid movies like Bangkok Dangerous, Next, World Trade Centre and Ghost Rider but looking at his IMDB credits, those are the only movies of his I actually didn't like. The man was in Con Air, Face Off, 8 mm, Leaving Las Vegas, and The Rock; those are to just name a few, with The Rock being one of the best action films of all time. He has a weird way of acting. He is always kind of irate and spazzy, even when he is supposed to be calm and when he is trying to be romantic all he does is mumble his words and look of into space but somehow none of this really matters because I still like his films; at least he's entertaining. He also has the best melt downs ever.



The thing I must mention tho, is his hair. I don't know who the hell dictates what kind of hair Cage should have for his films but it is mind boggling the selections that have been made. Most of the time I can't take him seriously because of his hair. You know what? Looking back on all of his different hairstyles he has had in his movies, none of them seem to look like they suit him. I don't think any style would suit him. How about no hair? No, bald would be the worst but the hair he does receive in movies always has the same pattern but different length and texture:

The Sorcerers Apprentice:

It looks as if he was supposed to be an extra in the Shakira video Whenever, Wherever. His hair looks like it has a lot of wax in it and the the strands are very separate like as if it had been wet and he spent the afternoon drying in the sun.
  
+
 
=

The Season of the Witch:

Weird and piecey again. His hair never transforms him; he always looks like Nicolas Cage, always.


Adaptation:

Yes, I know he is in character but my god what circle of hell created this look?


Next:

This is probably the wort of all the hair he has ever had, mainly because of how flat the top is and the waviness on the sides.


Kick Ass:

Once again, look at that weird under flip of the hair.


Knowing:

It is always the same style. Maybe the wave is a little flattened out, and the sides are a bit shorter but it is literally always the same.


National Treasure:
The glasses aren't helping.


Bangkok Dangerous:

It's black, a little longer but it looks as if they shave several raccoons and patch worked it onto his head, why does the top look like it's been hair sprayed on and that it would be really crunchy if you were to touch it?


The six steps to achieving any hairstyle Nicolas cage has ever had.
Step 1:

Brush all hair completely back off of face so that we can see what we are working with,


Step 2:

Brush only the sides out. Curl the hair back and then forward to create a wave like appearance.

Step 3:

Puff up the top. Then hairspray flat so that it is not rounded more of a ski jump effect.

Step 4:

Apply single strands of hair to move the hairline forward.

Step 5:

For the curly look. With hair wax start separating hair into segments. Once separated, curl the hair. Note: you still must maintain the side waves.


Step 6:

To obtain more volume. Once you have created the side waves and ski jump on top, on the back of the head part the middle of the hair and brush the reaming hair to front to create the perception of more luscious locks. Make sure to hair spray and to not turn your back as this trick is a secret.

The only hairstyles passable ever were Con Air and Moonstruck.

Happy Bastard.



Like I said, I truly do enjoy Cage's acting. I think he is funny, entertaining and sometimes romantic. He sells me on almost everything he does.

Nic Cage, god bless you and your hair.

Is it weird that I sleep better during the day than at night? Today I slept 9 hours and that is the lowest I have slept in 2 weeks. Usually I sleep around 13 hours but going to bed at night I can only sleep 9 or 10 hours max, not to mention the amount of times I am rolling around and getting up during the night. I sometimes think that if I was alone and only had my work that I would sleep days at a time, kind of like mini hibernation's. I love the idea if hibernation. Eating like a beast for months and then sleeping for months after you have gorged yourself would be awesome; bears have a good life. I wonder that if you sleep for days at a time, if you would slip into a coma. I'm worried that my body will think that I am a bear and turn on hibernation mode aka. coma. I had the argument the other day that sleeping is not a past time but a necessity. Yes, I agree you need sleep but once you go above and beyond the recommended amount, it then becomes a past time; something you enjoy doing. If I were to have three choices: watch T.V., read, take a nap and I chose to nap, then it is definitely a past time. If I sleep too much, I sometimes feel disconnected form the world. As if I wake up and it's year 2030 and I have just slept the entire couple of decades away. I know that probably won't happen but it kind of feels like it sometimes. I'll go to bed and it's light out and when I wake up it's dark. I stumble around mumbling, when did it get dark? what time is it? am I late for work? when did I eat last? where is everyone? I feel like I have been awoken from hyper sleep while my space ship mindlessly travels the universe. I think of sleeping as free time for my mind. Everyday, while I'm a wake, I am telling my brain what to do, as if it is a job but when I sleep than it is my brains turn to do whatever it wants. I almost feel separated form my brain when I sleep. I feel like my body is my body and my mind is my mind and when I am awake we are one but when I sleep my mind detaches itself from my body and leaves this shell of a being as it goes off and does whatever the fuck it wants. My mind defiantly calls the shots. My mind is off frolicking in fields of gold and when it is waking time I walkie talkie it to come on home because he has work in five minutes and then I wake up, mind and all.

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