Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Night 15

Hamtaro needs to see to.


In my windshield of my car I have placed a plush Hamtaro. He has been there for a while. You know why I have him? Because my mom thought it was so cute she had to buy it and give it to me, because it reminded her of me.
I don't know if I should be offended or flattered because it's one of the nicest things someone has ever said to me. I hate stuffed animals but I keep him in the car because I think it's funny for him to be in the windshield and people can see him as I drive by.
Another benefit of having him in my windshield? Asians treat me better on the road. I live in a city where I am slowly becoming a minority but if I pretend to be Asian with small little adjustments to my life, like placing an Asian stuffed animal in my windshield and cooking more stir fry's, my life is infinitely better. People stop for me to let me into lanes, they give me the right of way when it is not my right of way and I have yet to be fingered or mouthed curse words at by a fellow Asian driver. You know what's funny, is that I have had more than I can count of white people flipping me off or saying fuck you when I cut into their lane or merge in front of them on the highway. They think I'm Asian and they are super rude. I must stand strong with my Asian brothers for I now know he it feels to drive as an Asian and treated as an Asian driver. Seeing as I run in to way more Asian drivers than white drivers, I think I am defiantly on the right side.
In the morning when I go out to my car I scrape off the ice on the windshield but because hamtaro sits on the part of the defrost that would reach him I have to scrape off the ice around his eyes so that he is able to see when I drive. He has this little nub tail but I always say that it's him pooing. He poos if I do not clear a spot for his eyes because he gets scared when he can't see where he is going.
I also yell at hamtaro to put his poo back in. I do this when I am by myself too. I say hamtaro for god's sake put your poo back in, you're embarrassing me. Is that normal? To yell at a stuffed animal who's tail I pretend is poo, to put it back inside of himself? Not sure but I do it and I sure have been doing it for a couple of years now.
I haven't decided if I am going to put stuffed animals in my back windshield yet and shiny key chains on my rear view mirror to completely go Asian, but I'm thinking about it.
The other day at Canadian Super Store at Metrotown I was standing in line for self check out. There was this old old old Asian lady in front of me and right away I was asking myself why she was in line? Clearly there was a language barrier and being the age she was and the strange produce she was buying, she would have no idea how to work the till herself. Already I was pissed because I knew she would hold up a till for 30 minutes, so now instead of 4 tills open there would be 3. A till opens up and I point to her and say, "Open, open," I am also pointing at it and saying open. She looks at me like I am speaking an ancient language and says I don't know. Okay, I don't want Asians to lose their culture but assimilate somewhat, I mean at least learn a few words, like "open". Anyways, I had no patience so I went in front of her and started scanning my stuff. I scan the first item and she comes right beside me, taps me on my shoulder, and says, "No Cutsies." No cutsies? You don't know the word open but you no the word cutsies? I put my shit down, turn to her and say, "I told you it was open, I don't have time for you to pretend not to understand me now go to another till." I may had been slightly a bitch but come on you old fuck.
I was not in the mood for that bullshit.
My mom also bought a baby Shrek doll and said it reminded her of me, the baby troll reminded her of me and she said it sincerely.

1 comment:

  1. You've always been beautiful and that's not because I'm your mother. I've heard it ever since you were born, how beautiful you are! You're also very talented in many areas and one of those areas is your impressions and if I said some stuffed toy reminded me of you, it's the impressions I am referring to!

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