Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Night 32

Never fall in love at the Jersey Shore.

I must admit that I do watch this show and have seen every episode. It's not that I want their lives or envy them in any way. I watch this show because I am in awe of how these people live and conduct themselves. In no alternate universe could I ever see myself doing these things so watching this show is like watching a pack of lions. I just can't grasp that there are probably many people out there that live like this.
The boys are typical douche bags: the new haircut, roid, tanned and jersey accent. We can also blame them for the fist pump.

Pauly D: I don't mind Pauly D. I think he's funny and he usually stays out of shit. Whenever something is going down on the show he is always so surprised like he has just woken up from a coma. His hair is something of wonders. I mean he spends time on this shit. It looks as if he has liquid nitrogened it and is frozen in place. He knows what it looks like and he is okay with it. He has some of the worst, typical douche bag tattoos. Douche bag tattoos consist of: your own name, tribal symbols, religious symbols, or random patterns that mean nothing and he has a few of them. I like when he says, " Cabs here," and I am usually all right with him.

Mike "The Situation": We do have a situation sir, we have a 30 yr old man trying to live like he's 20. I think it's time to grow up. I would kill myself if I was his age and still trying to party and hook up with random chicks, which by the way rarely happens for him. He tries to act like he is such a ladies man but rarely does he get laid. His face is a situation as well. What a dopey looking, boozed to hell, over tanned, chain smoking situation he has. His body is good but his face gives his grand father status away. Not tat 30 is old but it is old to be doing what he's doing. He is just the worst. He is such a snake and always stirs up shit. He is one of those people that goes around and does the he said she said shit to get people at each others throats only so that he can try and bring them together and serve some sort of purpose that satisfies himself and justifies his life because he is useless. And who is he to deny any woman? He is always calling fat chicks grenades and ugly chicks land mines but beggars can't be choosers and he should be lucky to get anything let alone a good looking girl. Anyone that falls for his lame ass game deserves Chlamydia.

Vinnie: There's something about Vinnie that I don't like. It could be his shit eating grin or the fact that his face is kind of weird looking or that he has the body of a 35 yr old porn star. Apparently he has a huge dink so he isn't so worried about what else is going on with him. I remember he slept with this girl Angelina, a room mate in the house, he slept with her to get revenge on her because he hated her and that way he could rub it in her face. I think some wires got crossed during the formation of his mind because in what universe can he use that to his advantage. Ya, she let you screw her, but you screwed her, you are just as sick as she is so how exactly is that exacting revenge when the hate and the act equal each other? Vinnie is young, he's irritating, I don't like that he thinks he's smoking hot and I liked when that chick he was seeing kept standing him up.

Ronnie: Ronnie is my favorite. He is a huge meat had with the faux hawk and party mentality. I can't hate Ronnie because you can't hate something so big and mindless. His laugh is so loud and intrusive, yet charming in a way and you can't help but love him because someone has to and his girlfriend Sammi sure doesn't. She loves him but my god does she make him work for it. I like Ronnie because he puts up with so much shit from his woman. Sure he cheated on her (which was funny) and sure he called her a fucking bitch and constantly tells her to shut up but at least he doesn't hit her.

Snooki: Where to begin? She is an embarrassment in every way possible. She has taken the homage of a party, jersey trash bag and has run with it. She talks about sleeping with men and wanting dick but who is it that would give it up to you? She has a hamster face and the roundest shortest body I have ever seen. The girl is always drunk and constantly flashes her vagina. Does she not remember that this is TV and her parents, family and friends can see the shit she does? Maybe she grew up that way and her family encouraged that kind of shit. She is probably the most annoying human being on this planet. She constantly complains and the only kind of conversation she can have are redundant ones:

Wahoo, let's part and get fucked up.
I just want dick tonight.
She is so fake, I don't understand.
I'm a good person

Her conversations have no depth and her one focus in life is to forget that she is famous for being something to laugh at and that the only reason she would now get any man is because she is a "celebrity". Not to mention she has "written" a book, what has this world come to, seriously.

Jwow: What an abrasive hard woman. As soon as she gets angry she starts yelling and screaming. I have never seen someone so quick to anger and yelling. Even when I'm angriest I don't yell, what's the point? To be louder than someone to win an argument because you have deafened someone. Why can't she just have a normal conversation and solve a problem like an adult? And the violence. There have been few times in my life where I have wanted to punch another girl, I never have and I probably never will but this girl will find any excuse to throw down, what a lady huh? Right away she wants to kick some chicks ass. You call her fat, she wants to fight, you call her friends a loser, she wants to fight, you don't do the dishes, she wants to fight. Why the constant rough bitch attitude? Could you try and be just a little more feminine.

Sammi: This woman is such a bitch. I have never seen someone so rude and full of themselves all the time. She constantly calls people fake and she is always "sick" so physically ill at how horrible people can act. She constantly has mood swings. One day she hates you, the next she doesn't. She is down Ronnie's throat every day:

You don't love me.
You treat me like garbage.
You're going to cheat on me.
I'm sick.
She's so fake.

Constantly the same complaints. Leave him or try to gain some insight to your life instead of this round about way of constantly bitching at people. She thinks she is above all others. Guess what, no one is actually fake. People may be one way one day and another way another day? Sounds familiar Sammi. If people are different around other people that is part of who they are. To constantly call someone fake because of that is incorrect because it is merely a facet of who they are you dumb jersey broad.

Deena: This is the new girl. She looks like Snooki, acts like Snooki and is just as abrasive as Jwow. She is kind of a monster. She has a strange proportioned body where she looks like she is kind of on steroids. Her face looks haggard and kind of like a gargoyle. She has partied to hard in her life and it shows. First episode she was on she got naked in front of Mike. Your parents must be proud.

Angelina: She was off and on the show and the times she was on she was such a horribly obnoxious person. No one liked her and she couldn't understand why. Probably because she was nuts. She would take a conversation with someone, twist it and go tell other people, it was absurd to watch. She slept with everyone except for the one guy that treated her right. She called herself the Kim Kardashian of long island but was actually disgusting. She had a pudgy fat body, a busted face and the most irritating attitude like, " I'm hot I know it, you just want me." No, no we don't

It is mind boggling to know that people live this way and get paid to do so. Why go to school kids, when you can just sleep around and party and get paid for embarrassing yourself on television. I can understand watching the show, it's entertaining to see idiots be idiots but how about the people that watch this shit and want to live they way they do. Young girls and douche bag 30 year old guys watch this shit and try to imitate it. I would be so disappointed if my daughter or son ever turned out like anyone of the cast members; I would feel like a failure as a parent. Parents should make their children watch this show, because it is the perfect example of everything you shouldn't be in life. I hate that these kind of shows rule the world and useless people become rich and famous for doing absolutely nothing. I can't help but get angry and resent these people because they do absolutely nothing and get rewarded while there are so many people in debt for schooling or work two jobs to support their family.
If the world ends I hope it starts in Jersey.


1 comment:

  1. I tried to watch one episode of this show and I couldn't get through it. Do you know that Leonardo DiCapprio watches this show and says he's fascinated by it? Something else you two have in common. Your review is more entertaining than the show itself and has more talent involved than the whole cast of Jersey Shore!