Thursday, February 3, 2011

Night 34

These are some of the conversational/facebook sayings that are over used today.

1.) That's random

I hate being in a conversation with someone and they say the word random more times than I have fingers on my hand. They think that being random means that they are crazy spontaneous and kooky, and that, that makes them cool. Since when does the sole fact that you are random make anybody cooler than anyone else. I love random people, I do. I think actually random people are hilarious but self appointed random people are giant asses. You are no longer random if you point it out all the time. Your randomness now seems like preconceived madness and all spontaneity and mystery has been abolished because mere seconds after the random act is committed, the person says, "Whoa, that was random." The worst is when The "random" person enslaves some minions to say, "that's random", at the drop of a hat. They think that if they are not the ones saying that they are random and that other people are noticing it, then there randomness must be true but little do they realize that a pattern can be noticed within their sidekicks and all though they get bonus points for trying to seem more random, it is still so transparent in the end. A tip: Let the randomness shine and don't over power it with stating the obvious.

2.) The love of dinosaurs/robots/snakes/sharks etc.

People are trying to take really dorky things and use them to their advantage of being cool. Dinosaurs are sweet, very much so, but why parade it around as if you are the one that discovered them. Why draw little dinosaur pictures and then post them on facebook, if you really liked dinosaurs and weren't trying to impress others with how "cool" you are, you would draw the dinosaurs, hang the pictures on your bedroom wall and not post them on facebook for everyone to see. And these people that say they love all these predatory creatures, how much about the creatures do they actually know? Most of them know jack shit, all they know is that protesting that they have a love for sharks with laser beams on their head will make them seem wacky and not afraid to be "themselves" when really themselves is yet just another idea of what they think will be acceptable to others. I watch the discovery channel, oasis and national geographic, I know quite a bit about creatures and different areas of the world and if others did the same or knew actual shit about the stuff they say they love so much, then I would have no problem if they told others about animals they though they were cool; it's the ones that have an empty understanding of what a king cobra is and then tell others that they absolutely love snakes.

3.) Addressing stupid/inanimate objects in their facebook status's.

I absolutely hate when people address something in their facebook as if they are sending them a letter that they will never receiver because you can't mail a letter to the sun, please see:

"Dear, Sun, Why won't you come out? Yours truly."

What the fuck. The sun will never get this message. Do not start it with dear, or please and don't sign your name or an alias for that matter.

"Dear, Wine, why do you have to be so good? Never drinking again ugggggghhhhhh."

We get it, you like to drink and you had too much last night making others think that you had a rocking time while they were at home sitting on the couch clearly not having as much fun as you had.

"Hey you, traffic, please clear up so that I can get home."

No, no, no. Traffic is not a person, therefore do not address it as a "you" and do not try your sob story on me. I sit in traffic everyday, as do millions upon millions of other people, you are not special when it comes to bad traffic, so your status should not be stating the obvious when bad traffic is inevitable and is not something that alone effects you. Think about others.

4.) Ending sentences with in audible sounds.

Do not end sentences with noises one makes.

"That was a close call, phew!"

Oh was it? I never would had truly understood how close of a call it actually was if you hadn't typed out the sound you made when it happened to you, thank you for clearing up any questions I may of had.

"Why won't this day end, uggggggghhhhhhh."

Not only is ugh not a word but multiplying each letter does not make it mean any more. No one really makes that noise and when we do, it shouldn't be transferred over into the written form. Ugh is such a raw emotion of desperation and must be witnessed first hand to truly get the effect, not on someones status.

"Boy, did he look good enough to eat, if you know what I mean, *wink wink*."

This one I find most popular amongst the older generation of women. When they put obvious statements, where you would have to be severely mentally disabled not to get the joke behind and then followed with a "wink wink", it makes them feel saucy and cute. For the future your 50 plus, we always know what you mean, no need to reinforce it.

"Spilled coffee. FTW."

FTW means for the win and, what? Why does everything have to be for the win these days. Every stupid thing a person does must be pointed out by themselves and then followed by a for the win. We know how much of a dumbass you are, clearly, you have spilled coffee and that was clumsy of you, you will win nothing for this and you shouldn't protest that your ridiculous action should win anything.

"Stubbed my toe. FML."

When I first read FML on facebook, I literally had to type it into google to find out that it meant fuck my life. When things are actually a fuck my life, I don't mind when someone points it out. Appropriate things that are FML:

Lost your job.
Car got stolen.
Broke your arm/any bone.
Got mugged.

These are severe enough things that people cannot avoid most of the time and deserve a FML. But everyday annoyances are not a big enough deal that your whole life has been fucked. Things inappropriate to be an FML.

Roommate snoring.
Missed your bus.
A paper cut.
Untied shoelace.

Guess what? Most of this shit happens to everyone, dammit. Everyday irritating things that happen to a majority of people does not fuck your life and you should not state that it does. You should trip on a curb, recover and go about your day, you should not immediately log into facebook on your phone and update your status, "Tripped on the curb. FML."

5.) Posting things that only 1 or 2 people will understand.

Why post such intimate things that only 1 or 2 people will get? Is it because you want others to ask you what's going on and you like that kind of needy attention? Or do you think it's mysterious and love to leave others wondering about what's going on in your life? You know what I think when I read status updates like:

Just one more time.
Why do you have to be this way.
Move on, bitch.
Thank you for last night.

I think, well you asshole, why don't you explain what happened last night or give more insight to what "love" is pertaining to? I hide posts by that user from then on and go about my day.
All of these sayings mean absolutely nothing to most people who read them without knowing any kind of a back story. It's ridiculous to post them and then the best part, the best is when someone asks them what their update means or what's going on and they answer with, "nothing." Jesus, if your going to fish for attention at least give the people what they want. Don't clearly reach out and then pull your hand back as soon as the cheese is grabbed, god.

I am most definitely guilty of some of these things in the past and will probably repeat them in the future but the real key to being that lames is to realize it, which most people don't. Self realization is a beautiful thing and those that cannot laugh at themselves are see when they are being douches and shrug it off are the ones that think everything they do or say is groundbreaking when it just isn't. They take themselves so seriously and update their facebook with the dumbest occurrences of their lives and they update constantly. Updating your status several times a day with random dumb shit and single words is so shallow and transparent. I see what you are trying to do and I see how others feed into the bullshit and it's disgusting. Others feed into you in hopes that you will feed into them and it's one big orgy of egos stroking one another.

1 comment: