Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Night 37

Why does everyone think they're a photographer?

There are so many people out there that buy a Nikon camera and then think that they are some moody troubled photographer that has to capture the "essence" of the world one picture at a time. Just because you have a camera with interchangeable lenses doesn't make you a genius.
I knew this person and she was one of those hipsters who ragged on professional cameras and said that anyone who bought one was a poser but as soon as she got one she sure changed her tune. Anyways, I was at this get together and she gave me her camera and told me to take a picture of her. I held up the camera and looked down on it for the screen that I am used to because I really only use digital cameras. Within mere seconds, I hear this snickering. I look up and she has her hands covering her eyes, shaking her head and she is laughing to herself as if I am some young child who put on her mommy's clothes that are too big for her.

You're looking for a screen aren't you.
Ya, I only use digital cameras..
You have to look through the eye hole, there's no easy way out when you have a camera like this.
Oh, okay.
I guess you've never take a real photo before either.
You've never been in a black room and developed a days work?
No, who even does that.
Oh my, okay try and take the picture.

I shit you not, this is how our conversation went. "No easy way out." Ya know, don't act like looking through an eye hole is that much harder than looking at a fucking screen. I think she is forgetting that, if you place a really expensive camera in someones hands and ask them to take a picture, most likely it will turn out okay and if you give them a week with the camera I bet you couldn't even tell her photos apart from someone elses.
I then receive the condescending question about a black room. Why the fuck would I have been in a black room before? I'm not a professional photographer, I thought that would had been apparent seeing as I was looking for a screen on the camera. A days work, no I don't have the luxury of living with my parents, waking up at noon, putting on my over sized tuque and taking photos for the rest of the day. And my god the way she asked the question would make you think that this fuck built black rooms for a living. Try and take the picture? Jesus, I never liked her.
And why must people take pictures of stupid things and try to make it beautiful. Don't take pictures of an isolated lawn chair on the beach, make it black and white or sepia and then call it a work of art. That chair is most likely a homeless mans house and he regularly pisses himself on it, beautiful? Yes I think so.
Everything they take pictures of has to be so out of the box and so not what you would think is beautiful. Here are common things a fake photographer takes photos of.

1.)Broken fences. (anything that's broken actually)
3.)The backs of people.
4.)Isolated objects.
5.)Stormy sky.

Sure ways to produce an expressive photo.

1.)Make it black and white or sepia tone.
2.)Fuck with the lighting and clarity.
3.)Focus really tight on one object.
4.)Make sure the focus of the photo isn't something nice and pretty, the more sad the object the better.
5.)Give a very gay caption to the photo when you upload it to facebook because we know your going to upload it
6.)End the roll of film with a self portrait of yourself not looking into the camera

Six easy steps to being a hipster douche bag.
Yes the broken fences covered with over grown grass represents the loneliness you feel and how you put on a fake smile to cover it up, we get it, you speak to us through your "art". Here's a new concept for you, take a picture of pretty shit like flowers or kittens or kittens playing in flowers. Why not take happy photos? I bet if you stopped taking photos of abandoned houses you might feel a little more upbeat.
I just feel if the only thing that is separating me form a photographer is the fact that they bought the camera, then they shouldn't call themselves a photographer. I could see if they took some classes or have been taking photos for a while, then yes they are more qualified than me but if their parents bought them some fancy camera and built them a dark room then they are just pretentious assess who have to try and be moody because in reality their lives are not that fucking bad but they think they are only interesting if they have problems and issues.
I don't mind if people take photos, that's not what I'm getting at and I don't care if people like to have expensive cameras because it produces better photos, I can understand it. The thing that ruins it for me is when someone develops an attitude and carries themselves higher than someone else solely based on the fact that they have this camera. Photography is an art and just because there is a camera placed in your hands doesn't mean you should try and be an artist.
I can't say what it takes to be a photographer and the qualifications one should have. What I do know that if you are a poser and act like it, then you most likely are a shitty photographer.

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