I had to buy new glasses today.
Today was my eye appointment at the East Hastings optometrist. I love how everything on East Hastings must have neon lights in its windows advertising shit. I literally could not see inside this places windows because there was so much neon lighting advertising about twelve different specials they had going on. This placed looked like a hole in the wall but once inside was actually quite nice. The best thing about this place was, across from it was a parking lot that was FREE. No my friends you did not miss read, there is actually still a location in Vancouver city that lets you park for free and doesn't charge you your $2 per first born child to park for an hour. Maybe it's because no one on East Hastings's drives because they are all homeless therefore car less or maybe it's an incentive for people to pick up hookers and park for free, who knows, all I know is that if it's free I would park in hell.
I get inside of this shop and this Asian boy starts helping me. He grabs my info and does the preliminary tests with me. You know that test where they blow air in your eye, yes well while we were doing it all he could say was, "No fear, no fear, just stay strong, we're almost done, hang in there." Okay My friend it's just air, it's not like we're deployed in Vietnam and waiting for rescue. I'm not sure if he thought he was shooting nails into my eyes or if he thought I was a giant pussy but every time I said, "It really is fine, it's just air," he would say, "Hang on!" After that I see the doctor and he tells me I have dry eyes, yes thank you that is what I just told you.
So, they had this special going on that if you get the eye exam for $89 you get a free pair of lenses but don't confuse lenses with a free pair of glasses because glasses consist of frames and lenses and only one part is paid for and the part that is paid for is useless because you need the anti reflection lenses which is $80 and if you don't get those lenses and stick with the regular ones you will be blinded every time you step out into any kind of light. I still get the deal because the glasses were 75% off.
They have hundreds of pairs of glasses and you would think that they would sort them by designer but that would make it too easy to pick glasses, no instead they are randomly placed everywhere so when I asked where the Calvin Klein frames were he told me to, "Start hunting through." The brand of the glasses were printed so small on the frames that you needed to pick up every frame you liked, squint and try to read what brand it was, making it so time consuming to find any brand you were looking for so my best bet was to forget about the brands and just start picking up frames that looked okay.
Now, I haven't bought a pair of glasses since grade six and I wear contacts a lot of the time but it's nice to have the glasses kicking around and when I do where glasses I would like to look somewhat hip. Right now my old glasses had a lavender metallic frame with a weird old librarian feel to them. They are not sexy librarian but the kind that wears a string on them so that they don't fall off and whoconstantly tells you to be quiet; it was definitely time to for a new pair.
My little Asian helper comes up to me and he tells me that we are going to find some glasses, he is going to help me and I'm going to like it. I really didn't have time to say anything because he starts ripping glasses off the wall and putting them on my face. He must had thought I was handicapped because I was not allowed to put the glasses on my self. Every time he took out some frames I would reach for them to put them on but he would swat my hand away and put them on my face. It's hard to put glasses on someone else's face. He kept getting them stuck in my hair, poking them inside my ear and when I would look in a mirror after he was done they would be severely crooked.
I have a wider face, which means that not a lot of glasses/sunglasses/hats look good on me, they have to balance out my melon of a head and it seemed that this guy was pulling the smallest most narrow frames I have ever seen in my life. It looked like I was putting on infants glasses. My face was bending the frames because they were so tight. I also have very large eyes so most frames wouldn't even fit the space my eyes needed to see out of. Every time I would put on frames my eyes would stick out from the top and bottom, giving me about an inch of my eyes that the lense wouldn't cover; my face truly is freakish. Finally he starts picking out some good ones. I had my heart set on metal frames but he kept telling me that plastic wasn't for everyone and that I was, "lucky," I could pull them off. I ended up liking a lot of the plastic frames and It got to a point where I would put on frames and he would say three descriptive words. Those glasses make you look.
Playful, party girl, sassy.
Smart, intelligent, serious.
Sexy, fun, flirty.
In command, driven, cute.
Sophisticated, rich, don't mess.
He was coming up with the most ridiculous combination of complimentary words. And then this other guy came out and he started doing the same thing to me. I ended up going with some plastic frames that I think help decrease the sheer size of my Neptune sized face. Is it weird that I wanted to look like Harry potter and kept picking up those glasses trying to make them work. I knew how stupid I looked but I kept putting on different Harry Potter glasses hoping that they would say that one of the choices looked good but when I put on the Harry's the sales associates just said, "Trust me, take them off." I wonder if they looked good?
Good use of three hours.
I should have gone with these.