I remember being a child in grade two and always wanting some of my friends snacks. The most sought after snacks were Dunkaroos, gushers, fruit roll ups and gummys. We all knew that there were only a few snacks per package and I practically sold my soul to get a gusher in my mouth. I developed a sort of sixth sense for those who had snacks. Before someone would even show the snack to the class, I could hear the package crinkle or I could see the outline of the snack package in their backpack. As soon as I had a confirmed visual I would approach my target. Here were my lines I used to get my snack on:
I will be your bestest friend if you give me a gusher:
Bestest not best. For some reason I thought that the bestest held much more significance then best friend and I always used that line. It usually worked. What would have been my plan of action if I didn't receive the gusher? If I didn't get it would I just walk away and not be her bestest friend? Was our friendship really so fragile that it all rested on a gummy filled with delicious liquid? Well if she was really my bestest friend then she would have given me a gummy now wouldn't she.
I will pick you to be my gym partner:
This was a complicated one and it took a lot of bargaining. No one wanted to be stuck with no gym partner so the sooner you could set something up the better. You know what was one of the most intense feelings? Being in gym class, hearing your teacher announce to grab a partner and line up together as soon as she was done giving instructions but as soon as we heard the word, "partner," that's all we could focus on. You immediately locked eyes with the person you had made a deal with earlier and you did not break that eye contact in fear that if their eyes met someone else that they would somehow ditch you as a partner and go back on the deal. So, when I wanted s gummy I would tell the person I would be their gym partner for a day and if that didn't work I would move it up to two days and finally a week when all else failed. I would never go above a week because one gummy for a week of gym partners was already putting me at a severe disadvantage when someone else had a gummy to give because I would have less days of gym class to bargain with.
I will play with you at lunch/sit with you during reading time:
I was always using friendship as a bargaining tool and when someone didn't accept my offer I would annex them to be by themselves for the day. At lunch time me and my friends would a.) practice gymnastics b.) play sailor moon c.) play red rover d.) play on the jungle gym and if someone did not give me a gusher I would not let them play with us and if it was one of my friends that did not give me a gusher then she would still be allowed to play with us except she would be a little ignored. Even tho sitting beside someone on the floor during reading time shouldn't mean anything, it meant everything because that is when you shared secrets because it was a thrill at the chance of being caught talking to each other when you were supposed to be quiet.
I always lied to get what I wanted. I would tell me friends absurd stories that I would pass off as being true. One time I wanted part of a fruit roll up so bad that I told my friend if she gave me a piece I would tell her what my real name was. I told her that my parents gave me a fake name for school because my real name was an ancient princess's name She was so intrigued and gave me a part of her fruit roll up so I took a stick and in the sandbox I spelt out, "Rose," yes I told her that my name was Rose and that if she told anyone that I would have to change schools and move away. Sucker.
Last but not least I would steal. If my friends wouldn't give me a snack, then I would have to just take it. I would try to wait until the person looked away, grab a snack and then blame it on someone else but kids watched their snacks like a hawk and you had to act fast because they also would inhale their snacks at such a speed that you had mere minutes to make a plan. What I would usually do is tell the kid that I had a sticker for them at my desk and they had to go get it right away because I forgot to hide it and that someone else would grab it; Stickers were like crack for kids. They would start to get up to get it but I would tell them to hand me their snack and that I would hold onto it until they got back because they couldn't run as fast with the snack in their hand and they could possibly spill their snacks everywhere. Bingo, and I would pop a snack in my mouth.
I never got those kind of snacks as a kid very often because they were expensive so I was always plotting to get my hands on some. I also never got snack packs either, because my mom told me that they were full of preservatives. The worst was when you would get a Dunkaroo and the person would give you the littlest amount of icing ever. This one ass gave me a Dunkaroo and I didn't even think there was any icing on it because it was such a small amount and then afterwards she dug her dirty little fingers in the icing section of the package and said, "I always have so much icing leftover." She was practically bathing in icing and yet I was eating my Dunkaroo almost completely dry?
Message to children everywhere: spare some icing.