Monday, February 7, 2011

Night 36

For tonight I will take you back to the previous night and blow your mind with a ridiculous story of good hearted foolery gone wrong.
I think we all know Saturday night was the fights and as always me, my brother and my boyfriend go to a bar and watch them. My brother had come over earlier that day and we started drinking and playing xbox before we had to leave. My brother made reservations at this bar downtown several weeks ago and we thought it was going to be amazing but alas it was filled with your typical downtown Vancouver high rolling douche bags.
Anyways, we get there and it's a $12 cover per person; Jesus, I already hate this place. We sit down at our table that was originally reserved for six but three members of our party bailed so we had a huge table for the three of us; the night is looking up. So we start ordering drinks and food and get ready to watch the fights. I am pretty slammed at this point and am getting the, " I don't care what anyone thinks attitude."
These two chicks pull up chairs at my end of the table and sit with us, not a big deal you think? Well even if I wasn't drunk I wouldn't had liked what they did. It's not that I would of had a problem if they joined us, if they had asked but these broads pull up their chairs as if it was their table. So, I lean in and say:

What's going on?
We're putting our stuff down.
No you're not it's not your table.
Do you need this space?
You should have asked before hand, now move your shit.

Excellent start to the night.
The night progresses and I put my feet up on the table where the bitches are sitting just to add some lemon juice to the wound. On the other side of the table where my brother is sitting, this popped collar douche bag and his two whores are putting their drinks down, whatever I wasn't in the mood to argue with anyone at that point.
My brother leans in and tells me to move the douche bags drink because it would be funny, I of course think this is a wonderful idea and move his drink to the other side of the table without anyone noticing.This was all meant to be in good fun, we were just messing around and expected the guy to notice, be cool about it and joke around with us but he didn't.
He asks my brother where his drink is my brother says, "I don't know you tell me," with a shit eating smirk and then the guy says, "You tell me," and out of no where this snap show grabs my brother by the shirt and now shit is going down. Me and my boyfriend get up as the two bouncers get in between us all and my bro is taken outside. The two bitches start getting into it with me, like as if they had anything to do with it. Let me describe these winners to you. The one bitch was all done up like a porn star drinking her Coronas with the most irritating voice in the world and the other one was some moron who kept using cliche lines on me like, "Check yo'self". Who says check yo'self these days? It felt like I was in a real life Fresh Prince of Bel Air episode. These two hos start telling me that I'm a bitch, to check myself, watch yourself, back up blah blah blah, so I'm hitting her back with you better control your douche bag, go fuck yourself, you look like a pile of shit, fuck you and so on, you know, regular drunk slurs, oh and by the way everything I say is followed by an obnoxious laugh and smile. I can see these two girls getting really pissed at me, they defiantly wanted to hit me and I was so ready to throw down. I have never had the urge to fight but I wanted to fuck those two up. So they're getting mad and they're loser man friend sees this so he starts yelling at me, I can't quite make out what he's saying, probably somewhere around the lines of fuck you or whatever, I'm drunk and over zealous so I start calling him out:

Come on bitch.
What the fuck are you going to do.
Fuck you bitch.
You weak ass pussy bitch.

Then more bouncers come in between us all. My boyfriend being the peace keeper that he is explains our side of the story and gets my bro back in and the managers start apologizing to us about what went down. For the rest of the night a huge bouncer stayed in between our group. When my brother comes in my boyfriend grabs the guys drink and starts fucking drinking it. He then proceeds to hand my brother the glass for a drink of it and says, "To the victor goes the spoils," classic.
We're getting ready to leave and my brothers like I'm gonna say something to that guy. As he's telling me this, one of the dumb bitches is eyeing me down and so my boyfriend starts standing in her way. Before we know it my brother is inches within this guys face saying, "What's your problem bra?" god he's awesome. I get behind him and the one bitch is telling me to come talk to her and that she, "Isn't mad." Why would I want to get within any striking distance of this psycho? Why do I care what she has to say or if she was mad or not? Why would she think that I would ever want to have a normal conversation with her?" So, I proceed to stand behind my brother and tell her to go fuck herself among other things. She then asks if I'm scarred of her, I just laughed and gave her the finger. The bouncers and the waitress (what an idiot) get between us and we all leave.
I told my brother that he should had gone up to the guy and said, "Thanks for the drink, " how awesome would that have been but what he said was very good to.
I just can't believe how amped this guy was. Who goes from perfectly normal to grabbing someone violently I don't know if he was mad because his collar refused to stay popped or because neither girl he was with was gonna give him any action but what he did seems like a very inappropriate direction to go in. The thing that gets me is why was he so sure that we moved it? There were so many people around, the place was packed, people were putting drinks down, picking them up, waitresses and bus boys were moving shit but this fuck face was so sure tha tit was us; no one saw me move it and no one had any proof.
If that had happened to me, I would have laughed, asked if they had seen my drink and then open my fucking eyes to see that it had been moved. I would have loved a good ol'prank but I guess his gangsta persona was ruined if someone dare trick him in front of his dumpster hos.
What is the world coming to where we can't even laugh with each other? Are we that full of ourselves and in love with our egos that we can't step back and see the humor in it all? Life is one big fucking joke, so why not take the time and connect with someone over a laugh? This guy was clearly very insecure with himself and the girls were clearly very full of themselves, they would have to be in order to warrant their actions. I hope that if your drink gets moved, you laugh and appreciate that life doesn't have to be so serious all the time. I've been pranked before and I've laughed every time.
Here's to you moved glasses.



Qui Gon would had laughed.

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