Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Night 50

Well today is moving day.

I haven't packed anything yet, oh wait, I have packed my DVDs and that's it. When you move into a new place you don't really need dishes or clothes, just DVDs so I have already taken care of the essentials. Yesterday I was going to pack feverishly but I packed up a box of DVDs and then fell asleep on the couch. I then woke up this morning and was going to pack even more to make up for how little I packed the previous day but I ended up watching, "Say Yes to the Dress," and crying.
Maybe I'm putting this off. I'm not surprised, I hate change and will go to almost any lengths not to have it happen to me. There is always those what if's. I may absolutely hate the location at where I live and I hate the fact that I live in a basement suite and the place where moving to is infinitely better but there are still those what if's. I haven't been able to sleep for approximately three days.

What if:

What if It's louder there
What if I get mugged because it's a busier area
What if I can hear the cars too much outside
What if I am unable to control the heat in the apartment and I get too hot
What if I can hear the lady all the time upstairs
What if I can't find a proper place to jog
What if everyone in the building hates me
What if I can never find parking
What if my place gets broken into
What if I hate my landlord
What if my mail gets lost

Believe me, this list continues for quite some time. Going nearly 72 hours without sleep leaves a lot of time to ponder every possible situation imaginable and then to dwell on each one until it manifests into a thought that completely consumes you.
I don't think we're ready to move today, nothing is packed and there just seems like there is so much stuff. Maybe I can un-do my lease and get my damage deposit back. I don't think I can and now I'm all stressed.
I pray to god that it's not me that has to drive the 14 foot Uhaul. You should see my car, I can barely drive a mid size without destroying it, so me driving a moving truck is just asking for trouble and multiple accidents.
Now I have to get to know a whole new area which is stressing me out as well. I don't like the area I live in now but I know it. I know where all the good stuff is:

Liquor store
Subway
Jogging Park
My bank

And now I have to go on the hunt for all new amenities. I bet I'll never find any of these places in my new location. I bet that I get so stressed out that my heart just stops. I may be over exaggerating but to me it feels like the world is caving in. I didn't get any sleep last night but I did buy a couple of Rockstars to help me out. I hate the fact that I bought a drink called a Rockstar, I feel like such a tool and I don't even think they give me energy, the only thing they do is turn my pee neon. The caption is even, "Party like a rockstar," lord help me. I don't even know what that means and the closest I get to a Rockstars life is staying up late and watching re runs of Desperate Housewives while eating a microwaved bowl of vegetables with an extra sprinkling of seasoning salt, Rockstars do that.

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