Thursday, March 3, 2011

Night 52

I came close to killing two humans beings yesterday.

Yesterday was the day to clean out the old apartment for our damage deposit back. I get off night shift, go to my other job for four hours and at around 10:00 a.m. my boyfriend and I start cleaning. Things are calm, relaxed and we're just cleaning because we have to so things are moving along as they will.
At 1:00 p.m. we call our land lord down to come see the place. Her and her very Asian mother come down. They start going through the place and all I hear is the old woman saying, "Yucky, no clean" and, "Look," while pointing at things
The daughter starts telling me that the window sills need to be cleaned, the floor needs to be swept, the toilet needs to be cleaned and the oven needs to be cleaned. At that point I was fairly pissed but I started doing it. I grab the broom and begin sweeping and while I was sleeping the old Asian woman watched me like a Nazi commander. I don't mean watching me for a minute, I mean watching me for the whole re-sweeping process which was about fifteen minutes. She is standing about two feet away from and pointing to spots on the floor. I couldn't even believe the supervision that was being bestowed upon me. I wanted to tell her to go fuck off you ridiculous fuck but I wanted my money back.
Now, the fire alarm. The two of them tell me it's broken and I know for a fact that it wasn't. They keep saying broken $50 so I press the button and the thing starts beeping. They then agree that it works but not so fast. The old woman grabs a ladder and brings it into the living room, she then persists to press it four or five times.
They bring my boyfriend into the bathroom and point in the toilet that they said was dirty. My boyfriend tells them it is just the shadows that the sun is creating. They say no, so he shines his flashlight on it to show them, they then reluctantly say, "Okay, whatever." This place needs to be so clean that shadows cannot be cast on the surfaces.
The old woman wants the shit cleaned out of the oven. She makes us take apart the top and remove all of the elements to clean inside of the fucking oven and yes you guess it, she watched us clean it. She keeps pointing at different spots in the oven and that's when I start getting upset. I could feel my hands reaching for objects to impale her with. I tell her to back off and call her daughter to let her know that her mother will not stop watching us clean and is practically perched on my back. The daughter tells her to leave but within minutes she is back and she has brought her ladder. She crawls on top and says the top of the fridge is dirty so I grab a cloth to wipe it and now we are arguing over who gets to wipe it.
We clean it all and the daughter comes back down to inspect.She tells me the oven isn't clean enough. I was about to do very bad things to her. My boyfriend quickly chirps in that he is going to take me home because I was very tired; he knew that I was on the edge and my descent was inevitable. I say that I am fine because I know if I left him alone, he would crumble and succumb to their nagging.
They say they are going to bring in a professional cleaner for the oven and I tell them to go ahead but it won't be on our dime because that oven is a year old now and it will have a years worth of wear and tear on it. What did they expect? To have a brand new oven after a year? It is cleaner then anyone of them could ever had gotten it. So, I bring it home with, "I'm not discussing this oven anymore. This is getting ridiculous and it started when your mother had us take apart the oven and scrub it so we are moving on."
We then get to a set of blinds. She tells me that they are broken because one side sags and I tell her that she should hit up her warranty if they are only a year old because we didn't break them and we are not paying for them so you might as well let go of that idea. By the way, I did break those blinds, they are missing a string, it happened a few months ago but I was getting so angry that I was defending anything.
Next is the cobweb in the window corner. She tells me to look at the cob web so I take my finger scoop it out and leave the bedroom.
They also say that we scraped the wall but I halted the paint train with a quick, "No, next."
The thing that gets me is that the point that we had called them at the point where the place was in better condition then they had left it at but yet they expected it spotless so that they would have to do nothing before the new poor unsuspecting tenants moved in. We have these two bins in the back that we kept bottles in. They wanted us to move them and that was fine but the only problem was that we had no room in the car. She was going to withhold out damage deposit until we remove them so I picked up the bins while they went into the room and hucked them over the fence into the alley.
Out of everything that they noticed they happened to miss the burn mark on the counter that I had done a few weeks earlier from the magic bag and the dent in the wall from when my brother got drunk and fell into it.
Well they didn't notice the burn mark because I had bought them some flowers and placed it over the mark. By the way they acted totally offended when I told them the flowers were for them, which is funny because when they made us re clean the place I wanted to take back the flowers but my boyfriend insisted we leave them but those fucks didn't appreciate those beautiful tulips.
We finally leave with the full $475 but was it worth it? I dunno because now I know I am actually quite capable of killing multiple people and I wish I didn't know that.
Good riddance you wiener sucking, dink fucks, ass losers.

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