Monday, August 29, 2011

Shit-Whole Foods

 I love whole foods. I love the food they have there and I also love the feelings I get when I'm in one. It's kind of pretentious, hipster and relaxed. I usually hate places like that but because I am not very cool or hip I seem to fly under the radar and no one really notices me where as in Safeway I feel like a normal person which in turn gives me anxiety so I would rather be looked down upon than feel extreme anxiety. Anyways the Whole foods I go to is the best ever and it is solely because of the fact that their salad bar has the best selection.
My salad always consists of:

Quinoa
Artichokes
Mixed Greens
Beets
Sesame tofu snacks

I also love tomatoes and cucumbers  but seeing as the salad bar is by weight and I have to take a loan from the bank whenever I eat there because its so fucking expensive, I cut my own tomatoes and cucumbers at home because they weigh so much. You're welcome for the tip.
I mainly love this salad because of the tofu snacks. They are so fucking good. If I had to describe them, they are baked tofu with some sort of miso marinade and sesame seeds on top. Even if you hate tofu, you love these. These tofu bites are the bacon of tofu.
So, I walk down to capers with my sweetie excited to get my salad. I get to the salad bar and lo and behold there is no tofu. Heart dropped. I looked at the salad bar in disbelief and I even got a few people to verify that there is indeed no tofu and I am not losing my mind. This will not do. I know that the deli section sells the same tofu so I go there to get some put on my salad. I get these two older Asian ladies and I tell them that the tofu at the salad bar is sold out and that I would like some on my salad and they say that I can't do that. Dot dot dot. Why not, it's exactly the same tofu accept for some reason it's like 50 cents more expensive at the deli than at the salad bar. The ladies start telling me the ingredients are different, so I start listing the ingredients from the salad bar tofu and the deli tofu and oh my god I can't believe it they're exactly the fucking same. I get these blank vapid looks and see I am getting absolutely no where with these space cadets, so I go to customer service.
I feel like my conversation with the customer service lady will go better than my previous one because the lady was white and younger so there is no age or language gap. I tell her my situation and this is the spiel I receive. "You see, the tofu from the salad bar is salad bar tofu and the tofu from the deli is the deli tofu and in order to track the tofu we need to keep it separate, I think that's why we can't put it on your salad. "I think"? You think? Uhhhh why don't you go fucking figure out exactly why. And how stupid do you think I am where this tracking bullshit would actually work as a reasonable excuse. You're telling me that the 100grams of tofu must be tracked to either the deli or the salad bar . I bet they drop more than 100 grams of food in an hour and I also believe that the staff probably snack as they work as well, and I sure as hell doubt that they track every morsel of food that is tasted or wasted. I call extreme bullshit Instead of arguing I just let it go because what else is there really for me to say. You're a capers assistant manager, do you take your job that seriously? Really, you would go through the trouble of making up a ridiculous excuse instead of just letting me put the tofu on the salad. I hope she burns in Whole Foods hell. It's the exact same tofu, you don't have it out in the salad bad but it's in the deli and you aren't letting me put it on my salad, I have to pay extra and buy it separately, yes that makes perfect fucking sense, thank you capers you fucks.
I still love the fucking salad but that's just the way it fucking goes sometimes.

Commandment Conclusion

In conclusion this is where the commandments stand:

One: You shall have no other gods before me.

No longer valid. This commandment is no longer accepted within society seeing as the rise in spiritualism and other beliefs have taken a strong hold. My personal opinion is freedom of religion and with freedom of religion comes other gods and others belief systems. To each their own.

Two:  Thou shalt not take the name of the lord thy god in vain.

No longer valid. Clearly there is no respect for this commandment anymore and you can see that in everyday passing whether it be commercials, billboards, children's shows or common conversation. My personal opinion is calling out to god is more of a plea for help then a sin. Oh my god is fine but maybe leave the profanity out sometimes(Jesus fucking Christ = only occasionally).

Three:  Remember thou keep holy the Sabbath Day.

50% valid. Society does what they want on Sundays and to reserve a whole day for worship and remembering god is just too much to ask. We have busy lives and we fight for every second of the day and to erase one day out of the week is just impossible. I am not saying that you can't dedicate part of your day like going to church or reading some of the bible, whatever you may do but for the most part Sunday is just the last day of the weekend.

Four: Honor thy father and they mother.

No longer valid. I believe in this commandment and it's a shame that it no longer has any effect. I have trouble sometimes realizing that my mother is still my mother and that authorities have authority for a reason. No matter how old I am I will never be on the same level as my mother and that is how it is supposed to be. Parents deserve respect, for the most part (being that they are not abusive and what not.) But kids see parents as an equal and with that comes no respect. I wish this commandment still stood in modern day society.

Five: Thou shall not kill.

50% valid. Do not murder out of pleasure do not take a life because it makes you happy. Killing should happen during war and self defense. It would be wonderful if war didn't exist but it does and with war comes death; it is a way of life. Self defense is probably the only kind of killing that is completely justified. If someone is trying to take your life, take theirs before they have a chance to finish you.

Six: Thou shalt not commit adultery.

No longer valid. How many people do you know that have cheated or how many people have you heard of that have cheated. This commandment is clearly no longer upheld. My personal opinion is to cheat is to be a piece of shit. You can not truly love someone if you cheat on them. Leave someone before you have a chance to break their heart and scar them for life.

Seven: Thous shall not steal.

75% valid. This commandment is becoming less and less recognized, except by the law. How many crimes are committed everyday because of theft. How many people sit in jail because they have stolen. Clearly people steal and authorities may recognize the consequences but a good part of the population doesn't. I believe one should not steal unless you put your case of coke zero on the bottom of your shopping cart so the cashier misses it.

Eight: Thou shalt not bear false witness against they neighbor.

No longer valid. We all gossip. Lying is very common and slander happens all the time. Is it right? No. My personal opinion is to right a wrong that you have committed. If you lie about someone, make it right. Tell the truth and make sure that, that persons name is clear. We will lie but the point is to reflect, change the present and the future.

Nine: Thou shalt not covet they neighbors wife.

No longer valid. I think to cast out impure thought and desire is to open Pandora's box and unleash actions way more devastating then thought itself. To think is to hopefully, not act. It is a substitute for far more heinous crimes and I think if one can think something bad instead of doing it, then take the lesser of the two evils.

Ten: Thou shalt not covet they neighbor's goods.

50% valid. We should always strive to achieve more but to achieve more for ourselves and to not rub it into others faces. We should accept who we are and better ourselves to our standards not to others. Jealousy is more alive then ever and to be happy for others is the key to personal happiness as well.

In the end, most of the commandments are rarely upheld. It's interesting to see things that were once so sacred become a joke in a sitcom. The progression of society and boundaries is truly amazing. I think the commandments are a good thing. In general they are fairly good rules to live by, with exceptions of course. The problem with commandments is that they are fairly cut and dry and unfortunately life is not like that. To have a general set of morals is a great thing but knowing when to bend the rules and adapt them to your life is an even better thing. Do I believe in god? Well that is something that I cannot share.