Thursday, November 27, 2014

What's Your Actual Problem Man?

  Why is it that in times of great stress and frustration we treat the ones we love like they are the cause for the problem?We pick the ones we love because they are easy targets, we got dirt on them and it's easy dirt to fling. Seldom the cause of anger or frustration is the cause for one single person, a group of people or anyone in general. A person acts as the receptacle for outburst and anger. It is much easier to direct anger towards a physical being rather then to look at the moments that happened to bring you to this place of anger.
We can blame the words people say, the way they say them, the things people do or the way they do them but in the end is that the actual problem?
A person is more or less used a catalyst to start listing off a huge list of issues someone may have. I'm mad because you did this, I'm sad because you did this, it's all bullshit excuses to not address the real issue at hand.
People don't make us do anything and the people that make us feel a certain way just prove to us that we have little control over ourselves and lack the inside and awareness in that moment to recognize our actions and our emotions. We assume the emotions that people give to us instead of looking at our own.
Words can hurt this is true, negative attitude can be infectious but how weak have our barriers become? If someone calls you selfish are you hurt because it's not true, are you mad because it is true or are you at peace because their opinion does not control the way you see yourself. If you see yourself as not selfish, then you are in fact not selfish. Not selfish based on your guidelines of what it means to be selfish because isn't that how this all works. We base our morality and actions on guidelines which are mostly made up from society and then pushed upon us until we tweak them into something we're able to cling onto and govern our lives based on them.
I many not seem selfish based on my guidelines but to someone's else I may seem incredibly selfish. I may not seem impatient based on my guidelines but again someone might not see it this way. Take a group of all different kinds of people and present this story to them:
Dave is a kid trying to support his mother and siblings by working two jobs, he notices one job underpays him so he takes a little out of the till each night to make up for it. Walking home he sees some food waiting to be picked up from a large truck so he takes it. He gets robbed and kills the man in self defence.
Make your judgements about what is right and wrong in that story and the change Daves name to Muhammad and tell me what is right and wrong in this story.
You will get a million deferent reasons why actions were considered good or bad and why. And right there you have the difference between people's guidelines, how those guidelines were formed and how they use them to see the world and cast judgement.
"You've made me mad!"
"You make me feel like are all the decisions are on me and that we're stuck in this position because of me"
"How have I made you feel that way"
"You eluded to it"
"So me asking questions, in your mind that had a tone and that tone transformed my words to a poisonous elusiveness?"
"The way I ask questions are straight to the point when it's something serious, I gauge that as being okay"
"Well I find straight to the point questions rude and elusive"
If only fights could be that smooth and end in clarity. Let's then fast forward let's say 6 hours later when the fuelled up one has time sober up we can see the underlying issue is that one person feels guilt for the places the two of them are stuck. It's not the fact someone asks direct questions and someone doesn't like them. The difference there is in the gauges, the guidelines each have. They see differently how to word questions and then when a difficult problem comes around, instead of talking about the difficult topic, it's much easier to create simpler problems like tone of voice used and then make it all about that.
Arguments come about not from the issues but from the issues it creates. It shows gaps in the guidelines of where people hold their morals.
-the point at which you start yelling
-the point at which you start swearing,
-the point at which you start crying
And if you're in an argument when someone starts yelling way before you do, the argument then becomes about the yelling because according to your gage there shouldn't be yelling right now.
The key is not to have similar guidelines because that would be near impossible between men and women especially. I think the only option is to accept each other's gages, know where they are and when a trigger can be switched because once the trigger is switched, the topic then becomes about that and a whole lot of time has been wasted for nothing.
Have you ever been in an absolute stupid argument as it starts off simple enough and all of a sudden you're not talking for hours and it wasn't for the main issue but because of how either one acted in the argument.
It's like we're children and we're putting ourselves in a time out.
You find these issues amongst children all the way up until the elderly and someone needs to be doing some kind of education regarding it because it is a relationship killer, a time waster and a negative energy.
You may say that, why don't we have no guidelines where anyone can do and say what they want. You see the problem is very obvious and that is, where does it end? Where does it end with yelling, hitting, stealing. Guidelines are unwritten laws that the people have made and they basically form a society based on that. Rules are rules and police inform them but it is the true power of the people on how a society acts. Racial slander is not commonly used in public, why? Because a lot of people's guidelines won't tolerate it. So, what I'm saying is you need counter guidelines just as we need good and bad simply to differentiate the two. You cannot say something good, without experiencing bad so why say an action is good without experiencing a bad one.
The rules for guidelines and gages and guidelines:
Figure out your moral gages but be flexible.
Figure out someone else's moral gages but be flexible.
Learn for those gages to work in harmony; back off when you must and proceed when it's clear.
Re evaluate your guidelines constantly.
Remember that we all rationalize thoughts, feelings and emotions based on what we think is rational, which might not be someone else's idea of rational. Keep in mind the balance that must be made and never say you don't care or that you've given up because each one of us contributes to the ever teetering balance of what is right and wrong.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Journey Across The World - A Canadian Maple Leaf In The Outback: The Flights

Okay everybody let me take you back in time to when I hate the pleasure of taking the flights from Vancouver to Melbourne.
The first flight was not bad. I was still excited at the thought of going to another country so everything seemed great at this point. The plane had rows on either side that sat two people and a middle row that sat four people. Bradley and I were in a two seater so already things were looking up. They played a great arrangement of movies and even had video games, all though the best video game was bejewelled and that’s not saying much.
I spent most of the flight watching american horror story asylum on my iPad and listening to my top rated songs on my iPod while playing the hell out of bejewelled. The meals were obviously horrendous but for some reason the meals on the first flight seemed not as repulsive as they did on the second flight. I slept for about an hour and half on the first flight and we arrived in Shanghai at about 6 pm. You could see the cover of smog illuminated by all the lights as it was dark out and humid as all hell. It was 35 degrees with 100% humidity so it was like stepping into a sauna. You could feel the moisture break away as you walked through the air and entered, the worst airport ever. 
When I entered the airport I actually thought that we had died on the plane and I was entering purgatory waiting for judgment. The walkways were old and the walls were falling apart at the seams. The airport seemed like it was in a state of constant repair. Bradley and I grabbed two trolleys and loaded up our extremely heavy bags. We walked for about 10 meters until this asian lady yells at us “no trolley”. I asked why but she just kept repeating no trolley. So Bradley and I start unloading our bags and she goes over to bradley, grabs the trolley and starts yelling no trolley. God bless his soul, Bradley starts trying to explain that he’s not taking the trolley but just unloading but to no avail she just kept yelling no trolley. We make our way over to the counter to transfer over onto our next flight. The line up is pretty long, with about 30 people in front on us and ONE attendant. One attendant, who was the first day on the job, the first day being born, the first time reading, the first time doing anything she was that slow. I think it took almost an hour and a half to move that line. A couple of attendants came and went, to help I think but they seemed to make the process slower if you can imagine that. 
We get through the check in and move to the most pathetic looking security check, there are two people there and what looked like a make shift metal detector. I was a bit nervous taking the silver through and possibly having a language barrier but they didn’t even mention it. I didn’t have to take off my jacket, my boots or my hat, they just waved me through. They just waved everybody through. We get into this open space where there were the check in desks and the gates. I thought I was at a check in counter previously but it must had just been a transfer counter because all the check in, flight boards and gates were now in this area. Everything was blocked off with giant white walls and it was absolutely desolate. Besides the no trolley lady, there was almost no one in the airport. It was deserted and only a few souls lingered around. This didn’t help my thoughts of purgatory. We walk about 5 feet and our gate is right there. After a 12 hour flight, we were both rooted and decided that only one of us would sleep at a time so that the other person could keep an eye on our things. Bradley was the lucky one who was going to get to sleep as he wasn’t able to get any sleep on the flight before and I was going to watch our stuff but before he slept I decided that I wanted to get a tea and water. I found this little cafe, grabbed a SMALL bottle of evian water and got a hot peppermint tea. The cost was 118 RMB’s. Looking back it was my fault for not knowing the conversion rate but I thought that the most it could possibly is $10 seeing as that would be even more expensive then the Vancouver airport but when I brought the receipt back to Bradley and we looked at the conversion the total cost in Canadian dollars was, drum roll pleas, 21 DOLLARS. OH MY GOD. I’m still pissed about it. Now I’m kind of in a bad mood. Bradley lays down trying to sleep but pops his head up about every 5 minutes for something or another. Can I say one of the worst decisions was wearing my UGG boots on this journey. My feet were literally roasting the whole time. I was constantly taking them off to try and cool my tootsies off. It was like having two roast chickens at the bottom of my ankles. That should be UGG’s new slogan, “It’s like having two roast chickens at the bottom of your ankles!” We waited there for about an hour and a half until we boarded our next flight. Our flight from hell.

We board onto our next flight and lucky again, Bradley and are in the two seater row but that is where the good news ends. We stay grounded on the tar mac for about an hour and a half due to severe lightning. So instead of this being the shorter flight, it has now turned out to be the longer one. Everything that was shiny and new just seemed old and tainted. It was a bit of an older plane but I was becoming bitter so everything seemed horrible. The meals really stood out to me on this one:
-Cardboard pork with vanishing noodles that fell apart when you looked at them.
-Cold edamame and mini scallop salad.
-Strawberry flavoured sweetened condensed milk.
-American breakfast of grey sausage, wet eggs and a steamed tomato sitting in a pile of grease that you had to drain out.
-Cold packaged pork buns.
-Sweet and sour spaghetti with carrots.
-Liquid Tofu dessert.
-Scrambled eggs with broccoli and mushrooms.
We tried to pick around what we could but in the end our meals consisted of a dinner roll they handed out at each meal and orange or apple juice. Picking around the food didn’t help tho, Bradley got sick and ended up throwing up at some point. 
The flight seemed to take forever. It was so hot and stuffy on the plane and that was without my UGG’s on. It felt like we were breathing in the same air from the last 100 flights. My nose was stuffed, my eyes were dry and I was flushed. Miss Canada over here. And at some point my underwear broke. I don’t know how to explain it. I went to the bathroom and noticed my underwear had broken apart. Maybe my hot roasting body literally disintegrated the fabric but whatever it was, it was like adding insult to injury. It was almost like an oasis when attendants would come by with water but you only got about a half a cup every hour or so, so you had to make that liquid gold last. Bradley was fading fast and needed to get some sleep so I gave him about 1 mg of Ativan. Bradley is very weary of medications and drugs so after about an hour of convincing he takes it and goes in and out of sleep for the next 2 hours. He woke up and found out there was still 10 hours of the flight and I have never seen someone look so sad. 
We tried sleeping in every position but unless you were completely sprawled out with no limbs touching each other, you were sizzling hot. I tried curling up in the seat and sleeping but as soon as my skin was touching itself my temperature gage just rocketed. It didn’t matter anyway, it was so damn uncomfortable, there was no position that you could had gotten into that would had been comfortable.
During the flight I looked behind me to see these little 5ft asians stretched across the four seater rows, which is just unfair. When you book a ticket on a flight you should have to state your height and if there are empty rows the tall people should be able to go to those rows to lay down. Which brings me to first class, which is just complete bullshit. Just because people have more money means they get to be more comfortable? So if you have less money you don’t deserve to be as comfortable as those with money? What kind of caste system are we supporting here. It’s sick! 

Towards the end of the flight it seemed like the seconds were sticking and didn’t want to budge. I felt like I was watching a million episodes of the television series but only 5 minutes had passed. It got to the point where you just turned off all he devices but kept your headphones in and stared at nothing, hoping that you would fall asleep or drift off mentally until the plane landed. I felt every second, every minute and every hour of that flight. I could give a play by play if I wanted to. Eventually the ride from hell lands in Melbourne and as Gandlaf once said, “This too shall pass.”

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Journey Across The World - A Canadian Maple Leaf In The Outback

 All tho there is such a story before leading up to Australia and such a story being in Australia for a month, I had to decide where to start; where and when in the story to let you all in. I have written quite a lot since being here as I don’t want to forget a minute of it so I will being posting stories from here and there, that time line wise might be all over the place but I will start with the current and jump around after that.
It had been a month on the farm and Bradley and I decided it was time to make a plan what to do. I personally did not want to work right away. I have worked two jobs for most of my adult life and feel about 50 years old. After deciding our end destination to live and work would be Brisbane, we thought that a road trip to Brisbane would be a great idea. A road trip to Brisbane turned into a road trip to Cairns and then back down to Brisbane. We were both very much on board with this idea. The only decision was how we do it. Do we back pack and get the hop on hop off greyhound bus pass that is about $600 that allows you, once purchased for 6 months to get on and off of the greyhound heading in one direction as many times you want and staying in hostels along the way or pull out Bradley’s old car from the shed on the farm, get it running and have unlimited freedom. The bus pas/back packing idea is convenient in a sense but also not that convenient because you have a certain schedule and path the bus goes and anything outside of that is extra money and not easy to do. Tough choice but the car option won so we pulled his old 88’ Holden Astra out of the garage and began to work on it. When I say work on it, I mean Bradley worked on it and I vacuumed and passed wrenches. The car was actually in great shape, not one dent or scratch but the Mazda in my hands for 2 years had dents and scratches both! Please don’t tell me the quality of a driver is based on how the car looks.
I became determined to make the car as clean as possible because I feel that old cars automatically feel dirtier, I don’t know if it’s because of the older colours or the fading but I wanted to feel like I could put my hands anywhere in the car and not be scared of what was in a crack. Like a giant spider or a kangaroo. Not a bloody roo! We removed the back seats so that we would have extra room and took the car to be serviced. During our Adelaide trip we bought everything we could think of that we would need because we would be camping for 1-2 months, with hostel stays here in there in major cities like Sydney.
-Easy to assemble tent $250:
Boy have things changed since I was a kid. I was used to fighting with poles that were kind of too long for the tent so during the second hour of assembling the tent you were cursing the sales associate convinced that she had given you the wrong poles but what we got was the plaza of tents. First of all, it’s tall, over 6ft tall. It’s kind of like a pyramid shape with an outer layer that goes over it and a canopy that extends out of the front. The poles are attached to the tent and you just snap them into place so assembly is less than a minute. Sure, we could had gotten a cheaper tent. They had mansions there for $130 but made out of what looked and felt like cheap rain jacket material that could had barely survived a strong breath. Quality every time!
-A tarp $30. Apparently you have to buy a tarp to put under your tent so that the tent is protected but why don’t they just make the bottom of tents more durable? Money!
-A Queen Foam Mattress $135. I personally don’t mind air mattresses, it feels like you’re sleeping a cloud but according to the sales girl they’re kind of out of date and are “okay if you have a friend staying for one night”. So we brought our attention to a foam mattress you roll up really tight and when you want to use it you undo the valves roll it out and it fills with air by itself!
-Sleeping bags $140 for two. With two drawstring compartments so you can really cocoon yourself.
-Folding chair $20. Yes the pocket has already ripped but it was only $20. And in defense of my quality theory, the chair was originally $70 all though now looking back that may had been a lie.
-A stainless steel Billy teapot $30. Their teapots are called a Billy and I don’t know why.
-A flashlight/lantern $50. Bradley insisted we could just use our iPhones but I wanted a lantern to hang at the top of the tent in order to tell scary stories but not Wolf Creek scary kind of scary stories.
-A Waeco Cooler for $70.
-Extra poles to secure the tent $6.
-A gas burner $15.
-6 cans of Propane $6.50.
All up together it was about $730. Which is not bad for two people to camp themselves around Australia.

Bradley being who he is decided that we needed some camping practice before we embark on our journey so we practiced at the farm for three nights. Each night we put the camp site up and each morning we packed it away in the car. I will say that we have gotten pretty quick and efficient at the assembly and disassembly of our little home. The good thing about practice is that problems come up that you would never had thought of and if you’re somewhere you know and not on the open road at a national park you have a much easier time solving these issues like condensation in the tent. Coupled with the warm days, cool nights and our water vapour from breathing, condensation builds up in the tent which can cause odour and mildew. I sound like a commercial! Quick fix, crack the windows when you’re sleeping so that there is ventilation. Too easy! Might I also say that, that foam mattress we bought is so comfortable that it almost feels like a bed and that quick set up tent is a miracle that anyone who camps needs to buy. We figured that if we were going to spend possible months on the road that it had to be as easy and comfortable as possible. We leave for our adventure on October 7th to the Grampians national park and I couldn't be more excited to see as much as possible and do as much as possible in these next few months. I plan on recording everything I do and posting regularly. Until then my friends and loved ones. May the force be with you.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

I'm so excited and I just can't hide it!

I had a moment of clarity the other day! Sometimes we can get to these conclusions with love and guidance, other times we need to be  forced into them and reflect on the explosive situations. Unfortunately mine wasn't so guided, I was pushed off the edge!
I had a "heated discussion" with my loved one the other day about decisions and the decision making process. For me, I consider myself a very rational person and feel like my decisions are completely thought out and rationalized before they are made but there is a difference between thinking things through and going with what you're feeling. Sometimes when I am asked why I made a certain decision I am able to give a good explanation but other times, I will rush into a decision and my only explanation is "because I wanted to". More often then not this will catch you out and cost you time and money.
It's not a bad thing to know why you do things, in fact it's quite empowering and is how true passion is developed. If you can't explain why you love something or why you feel a certain way about a topic, then how you can truly have passion if there is no understanding for the source of that passion?
I may be reading into things a bit too far but in order to understand the most complex things, you need to start from square one, from natta, from zero.
I had to take a bit of a walk. And on this walk, I stepped outside myself and viewed the situation for what it was, an opportunity for deep understating, When you're upset or aggravated, you're pathways are open and the energy is flowing. Use that energy to excite every neuron you have and try to harness into a positive state where you feel like you have an endless amount of energy to focus on several different views at once. When harnessed correctly, I believe this can bring clarity and rationality because you are able to compare many different views at once.
How I ended up explaining it to myself was like this:
My role that I play for myself is to recognize my triggers that are anger, defensiveness and excitement. If I feel any one of these emotions, I know I need to take a second to review the situation.
It's easy to see that anger and defensiveness go hand and hand. They are negative feelings that are easy to identify, stopping them is another thing, but lets take it step by step. Why do I get defensive when I am questioned about what I believe in or a decision I have made. It is simple. I lack the depth needed to justify the topic or decision. When I can't explain why I like something or why I have done something besides saying "because" it catches me off guard and puts me on the spot so sometimes instead of stopping, doing some more research or thinking things through a little more, I resort to the primitive emotion of defensiveness because it is a fail safe and very easy to execute. Extremely harmful to you inner energy tho.
When defensiveness is pushed to far, you end up with anger. An emotion that controls you. It is very hard to control anger, and there are very few times when I actually feel angry. I may feel irritated or annoyed but very few seldom am I actually angry. Anger is so poisonous and is a virus that controls your thoughts and behaviors. If possible stop your attitude at being defensive and try not to let it get to anger because it usually does not end well and there are usually regrets.
It may seem strange that I say excitement is a trigger for me to take a minute and look at a situation but I make rash decisions in moments of excitement. When I feel excited, everything looks great! I'm not even thinking about the negative sides of a situation, all I'm thinking about is how great it can be and it is in those moments that the worst decisions are made because you are making a decision based on the best case scenario and any of us that know life, know that our best case scenarios hardly come true.
I think our modern day has taken excitement and completely changed what it means. I think we have used it as a scape goat. We get happiness from excitement, when we should be getting excitement from happiness. Let me explain what I mean. There must be a starting point for excitement to stem from. If excitement relies on going out or planning a trip in a year, you will be left feeling empty and let down. What if you wait all week to go out with your friends and you're super excited but then all of a sudden they cancel on Friday night, or you go out and you blow a bunch of money, get too drunk or get in a fight? The ultimate high of excitement is brought back to square one in a matter of seconds and you're left with let down expectations. We rely on excitement to get us through life. We work all year to go on that two week vacation. And after time, those two weeks aren't enough, or going out on Friday night isn't enough.. Excitement is a drug that we constantly need more of to get the same high. Excitement is a cheap form of happiness. Is a false face for happiness, an impostor. We have distorted the meaning of it to help us cope with life. Normalcy is not enough for people these days, they need to be excited about everything. Every day. Where they're going to eat, what they're going to do on the weekend. But if we can find content in our every day lives, enjoying the simple conversations with others or sitting by the water, we can truly be happy. Is there a reason why suicide and depression is at an all time high? I believe it is because we live so long on adrenaline and excitement, that when there's nothing to look forward to, we don't know what to do with ourselves.
There is nothing wrong with pure, organic excitement , all I am saying is look at why you feel that way and if you are feeling excitement because you are happy or if you're feeling happy because you're excited. One will leave you with a constant no matter what the outcome and one will leave you with disappointment.
Excitement in it's unnatural state is volatile and is one of the most dangerous of emotions because often it disguises itself as something that is is not and leads you down a path of irrationality.
Just another take on it. What do you think?

Monday, April 28, 2014

Hey girl, what's your sign?

  I always  used to think astrology was a bunch of b.s. and that it had not merit. I don't believe too much in horoscopes themselves because I find them general and relative to any situation but what I do find interesting are the star signs and how they describe the persons attributes born within that time period. I find mine to be hauntingly accurate, almost down to a T. What if the way the stars and planets align within the set time periods of the year and the energy they put out have an effect on that person. Maybe, our inner energy is pulled and shaped by the planets and stars around us and the way they interact with each other. They say Pisces is ruled by Neptune and Jupiter, perhaps the way these two planets pulled and orbited at the time of my birth or the Pisces birth, helped shape some of my inner characteristics or at least the way my energy flows. It can't just be a coincidence that most people are bizarrely explained by their star sign.
Let me break it down. This description is thanks to, I removed a few redundant sentences so that you weren't reading a novel, but what is left, I think is very important in explaining a lot of my tendencies.

Pisces is the twelfth sign of the zodiac. These folks are selfless, spiritual and very focused on their inner journey. They also place great weight on what they are feeling. Yes, feelings define Pisces, and it's not uncommon for them to feel their own burdens (and joys) as well as those of others.

For a long time, I used to think or felt like I had to portray that I was very unemotional person. I felt like it was weak to be emotional but I don't know if it is the fact that I tried to block it out when I was younger, that it now has become so strong, or because I'm getting older so I'm feeling more emotional or if that's the way I always was.The fact remains that I am an extremely emotional person. Whenever I'm involved in an argument or someones sad, I immediately feel bad either about myself or for them and it's very hard for me to focus when I feel like an energy is off. Unfortunately this is bang on and I'm working on  being a little more selfish about my feelings and needs because at times others feelings can completely consume me.

The intuition of the Pisces-born is highly evolved. Many people associate Pisces with dreams and secrets, and it's a fair association, since those born under this sign feel comfortable in an illusory world.
Pisces are fluid and easy-going. Pisces alternate between reality and non-reality in keeping with their introspective natures; their voyage between consciousness and an unconscious dream state says much about their intuitive, almost psychic natures.

Intuition, I wouldn't say I have intuition but from the earliest of ages I could always feel energy so maybe call that intuition? I remember being a child and talking to the wind, thinking it was my friend (I'll get into that in a later blog lol) but again with the emotional nature of a Pisces, I think our emotions are guided by "intuition" or the feeling and guidance of energies.
I 100% float in between reality and dream world, it doesn't take much for me to get lost in a thought or path of thinking. I can have one thing happen to me and I will think out a whole life for that thought from beginning to end. Like, let's say if I sold something for $100, all of a sudden I will create a reality in my head where the $100 has decreased some debt and then I will think about what else I can sell and for how much and how long it will take and voilà I'm out of debt. The thought will take a life on it's own but more often then not I am brought back to reality by disappointment and let down of expectations.

Pisces are compassionate, charitable and will quickly put the needs of others ahead of their own. It's this kind of self-sacrifice that keeps these folks going. The flip side to their giving natures is that the oft-timid Fish are likely to be taken advantage of by less well-meaning souls.
Those born under this sign are spiritually oriented and charitable. They are compassionate, easily feeling another's pain. At times, however, Pisceans can have difficulty distinguishing fact from fantasy; they tend to get caught up in their dreams and views of how things should be. Pisces who fear that their pleas aren't being heard tend to lapse into melancholy and, worse, the kind of pessimism that leads to procrastination and lethargy. At times like this, Pisces would be wise to take time for themselves, the better to find their center once again.

I tend to always put others ahead of myself because I like to see people happy, I don't like disappointing people or see them disappointed so I will do everything in my power to bring the balance of energy back to the status quo. My problem is that I get very caught up in my thoughts of how things should be or why they can't be that way. I am working on being open minded but it is very easy for me to think my way out of a situation by giving it a happy ending but your happy ending that you make up for a problem will NEVER come to fruition. It will never end the way you have envisioned, it will either be better or worse, more likely worse because we tend to give more hope to situations then they have merit for but in the end it's about expectations and we can't have a thought be 100% right in our expectations. There will always be a let down.
Because Pisces are so emotional, I tend to get quite somber if I do something nice for someone and they don't say thank you or they don't appreciate the kind act. I don't do things for reward but without the acknowledgement it's easy for me to feel like I'm being taken advantage of and that highly effects my mood and energy. I all of a sudden feel bad abut myself. Whenever I get into that state I need a bit, whether it be an few minutes or a few days to find myself again. To find my happiness and positivity once again.

The Element associated with Pisces is Water. Those born under this sign easily relate to the emotional and unpredictable nature of this liquid gold. Pisces feel a great deal, and they also feel misunderstood much of the time. They're not quite pushovers, but they're certainly sensitive. Yes, they could cry you a river if the circumstances were right. Even so, they revel in their compassionate and imaginative natures and love to cater to others. Hopefully, any kindness will be reciprocated, because the Fish can certainly turn blue if they're not. Pisces are generally gentle, easy-going folk, who are on the shy and reticent side.
The great strength of the Pisces-born is their compassionate and charitable nature. These folks love to help others and do so in the most imaginative of ways. It's their feeling sensibility that wins people over.

I can be an emotional roller coaster at times, especially when I don't understand a situation or a persons attitude. This is where communication is key. We should always aim to understand one another, even if it is a view point that we can't relate to. Understanding takes away the unnecessary negativity and conflict but unfortunately most people who understand don't like the reality of the situations,
I shy away from confrontation and uncomfortable situations because of what it does to my personal energy and will do almost everything in my power to diffuse a tense situations, because I feel no need for those kind of reactions and at times will appease until the other party has calmed down. If you try speaking rationally with a person who is acting irrationally, you will escalate the situation and close the doors to understanding as well. I know when to use my easy going and passive side, not as a weakness but as a tool to give myself and others understating.

My goal in life is to be a compassionate and understanding person. To feel for others when I cannot understand and to give patience to those who require it. It's incredible how clear you can think in times of calmness but how easily that is torn apart in moments of frustration.
I like my star sign. I wouldn't want to be another way. At times, I may not be able to handle the ups and downs of my current but at least I'm riding the waves. I can look back and see where my struggles were along the stream and I can appreciate the journey it takes to get to those calm waters. I accept that this is the nature at water and hope that I can gain the tools to go with the current instead of fight it.

Are you like your star sign?

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Chocolate is EVERYONE's best friend

  Just for a little bit longer I'd like to focus on diet and recipes, I don't have too many more so don't worry ;). The next one I'd like to share is chocolate. What girl doesn't like chocolate? I don't, or at least not the conventional chocolate that is so sweet and contains so many unnatural and unnecessary ingredients. Sure, you can go organic but who can afford $7 for a chocolate bar? Especially in this day in age where inflation is not being properly balanced and food is getting more expensive but wages remain the same. I didn't just want to make home made chocolate with sugar and milk but I wanted a bare, basic and simple recipe that would take hardly no time but most importantly it had to taste good. If it doesn't taste good you're just always going to go back to that habit, that thing that tasted the best in your mind so I wanted to replace that craving with a healthy one.

We all know the great benefits of coconut oil. Here is some to list a few:

-In cooking as a great oil with a high smoke point. Great for baking, stir-frys or as a dairy free replacement to butter.
-Taken supplementally for daily energy
-As a coffee creamer when emulsified into coffee (The only way I’ll drink coffee)
-On the skin as a basic lotion
-In homemade lotion bars for soft, smooth skin
-In homemade deodorant or deodorant bars
-As an eye-makeup remover
-As a cloth diaper safe diaper cream (just rub on baby’s bottom)
-In making your own Remineralizing Toothpaste
-To lighten age spots when rubbed directly on the skin
-To prevent stretch marks during pregnancy
-To support healthy thyroid function
-In homemade Mayo without the high PUFA vegetable oils
-To help increase sun tolerance and avoid burning
-As a naturally SPF 4 sunscreen

Is there anything this stuff can't do? What an incredible product. I think we really need to draw inspiration from simpler times and use/incorporate the natural, holistic things that were available and coconut oil is a great start!
I personally love this stuff and use it for a lot. If you use a lot like I do, I suggest buying online wholesale or at Costco. Just make sure you're buying organic, raw etc. Check the labels! I don't want to see anybody ripped off or scammed into buying a product that isn't natural because it is misrepresented.
I've made this recipe a couple times in the last month and I think I've figured out the perfect proportions:

3/4 cup coconut oil
3/4 organic dark cocoa powder
1/4 cup of stevia/krisda (all natural sweetner)
1/4 cup honey
1 teaspoon of salt

-Melt the coconut oil in a double boiler over medium heat. If you don't have a double boiler, no problem, I don't either. I put a pot on the element with some water and place a metal bowl over top.
-Once the coconut oil is melted add the cocoa powder, stevia, honey and salt. Make sure you're using a nice dark organic cocoa powder. You can also use all honey or all stevia. I found that using all honey was very hard to mix in and adding all stevia made it too sweet. Make sure that you have the mix over heat for about 15 minutes, stirring and incorporating everything very well. If it's not properly incorporated the honey will sit on the bottom of the chocolate. After everything has been nicely mixed together, pour the chocolate onto a baking sheet lined with tin foil and pop it in the fridge to set. I just keep it in the fridge and break off a piece when I want. It has a toffee like consistency with a great chocolaty taste. Fee free to add anything you like, almonds, vanilla, orange zest or dried fruit, the combinations are endless! Easy, simple ingredients and what a treat I tell ya! Tell me please if you'd rather have a kit kat or aero after trying this.

Friday, April 18, 2014

Yes, I'll have a large pizza, hold the MSG!

  As of late I have been on this natural path of diet and lifestyle. The next few blogs will focus on food and recipes as I have a couple of good ones I'd like to share with you all. I'm not a chef but these few coming up are just too good to keep to myself. There are so many products that I love but just wouldn't eat or use because the ingredients were so processed and so unnatural. For me, food was very important because I wanted to eat what tasted good but that was also good for you. Ever needed a dictionary to read an ingredient list? Well no more! Say goodbye to all that junk because what I have found is that the natural is the best way, not only because of the benefit for your body but for your wallet too. I have found that I don't even enjoy eating out any more. When I do eat out, afterwards I am extremely thirsty. The amount of salt and MSG in foods is mind blowing, even in the highest quality and most expensive restaurants you find it laced with these two killers.
The first recipe I created was for pizza because my loved one absolutely adored pizza and would order it from dominoes. After a little research this is what we found (courtesy of

Hidden MSG in Pizza
I'm sorry but  I thought pizza was a pretty straight forward thing to make. I didn't think it would take all these ingredients to create something so simple. I just didn't feel right about him eating this so I did some hunting around the web and took inspiration from the simplest of recipes. In the end this is the recipe I came up with:

1 package of yeast
2 tablespoons of all natural sugar
1 1/2 cups of very warm water

Let that sit for 10 min with a cloth over the bowl.

Then mix in:
3 3/4 cups of multi grain flour
3 tablespoons of olive oil
1 teaspoon of salt

Mix all together but do not over mix. spread and work dough out onto a baking sheet and voilà the dough is done!!! Super easy and about a million times better then take out or ready made cardboard pizza shells from the grocery store.

For the sauce I've tried many things but the be all end all is:

1 5.5 oz can of tomato paste.
Add enough canned pizza sauce until you get the right consistency you like for the sauce.
1 tablespoon of oregano.
1 teaspoon of salt.
1 teaspoon of pepper.
1 teaspoon of garlic powder.
1 tablespoon of all natural sugar.

That's it! Sometimes I even add in some sriracha for a bit of a kick. Also be careful when buying tomato paste and tomato sauce, make sure the only ingredients are tomatoes and water as many of thee products have flavourings and other ingredients. Then all you do is add cheese (or no cheese) and all the toppings you want!!!
Bake on the middle rack for 25 min at 350 degrees. Turn on broil, put the pizza pan on the top rack for 3 minutes, turn the pizza around so that the other side also crisps up and broil for another 3 minutes. After all is said and done, you have a Delicious and healthy pizza. Your taste buds will notice the difference right away and instead of liking the pizza because of the MSG playing tricks on the mind, you like the pizza because it actually TASTES GOOD!
I can`t wait to share all my favourite recipes with you all. I want to see all my friends the happiest, healthiest and prosperous they can be, one recipe at a time.

Monday, March 24, 2014

You are a lightbulb of positivity, love and joy!

Hey everyone!

I've been doing some thinking about positive and negative energy lately and how it impacts day to day life. For as long as I can remember I have been a fairly impatient person. This impatience may be triggered by my environment or the people around me but the key word is triggered. All this means is that there are certain things that can start my roll of being impatient but I and I alone am responsible for acting on those triggers. Traffic may make me impatient but I let it effect me so that my mood actually alters into that of being annoyed. These feelings of being annoyed, irritated and frustrated all attract negative energy because them themselves are negative in nature.
It's quite easy if you step outside yourself and think about it. I'm not the first to recognize that positive energy draws positive energy and negative energy draws negative energy but I am starting to notice how true it really is. I think one example of negative energy that we all do is nag and complain. We complain about the most minuscule things in life or we pick at people for the most minuscule things.

Negative actions in the form of:
-Raised voice.
-Aggressive demeanor.
-Aggressive body language.
These negative actions stem from:
-Ability to communicate positively in the moment.
-Ability to cope.
-Need of control.

If we think of our lives as precious and time as our currency then we must evaluate what "is" and what "isn't" worth it. Is it worth it to disturb the positive flow of energy to nag someone over a bed not being made or the garbage not taken out? It's fine to mention things and relay what you're feeling in a positive manner but as soon as a topic is steered away from a positive path it is very easy for it to take a negative turn and who benefits from negativity? No one. It's not good for the person giving it or the person receiving it. This negative energy has a way to multiply and spread. It infects everyone and everything around it.
We need to realize that the little things we complain and criticize about are all routes to negativity. You may be completely frustrated because you're loved one always takes the blankets at night but you love that person so why invite negative energy into the world you share by harping on a topic until it becomes a much bigger problem then it ever should have been and that is why I say negative energy multiplies. It's like bunny's. There's 2 bunny's then all of a sudden there's 4, then 8, then 16, it just goes and goes and goes. The problem was small and could had been dealt with in a nice and positive manner but one person says something rude, the next reacts and so on and so forth. Look at how unnecessary that is.
For me, my goal in life is to have a constant inner peace no matter what the situation because maintaining inner peace allows for positive energy to constantly flow. Maintaining a positive energy is crucial for personal growth. Having inner peace is much more rewarding then giving into negative energy. Positive energy opens your senses up to the world and allows you to appreciate all it has to offer. Your core is always radiating positive energy. It is always being directed outward from the inside at every second of the day but when you start pushing out negative energy, it diverts the positive energy that was flowing from you; it's putting up a negative wall and forcing the positive to remain dormant
Your inner light bulb of love and joy is dimmed and suffocated by a heavy negative hand. You are the source of positivity and it is beautiful and it is pure and it is light.
The next time something bothers you, will you give into that negative temptation? Will you allow yourself to be seduced by the negativity? Or will you take a second and think, to breath, to relax, to emit love and understanding? We are so quick in our judgements and forget that our judgements do effect us and those around us. We need to love each other, the animals and the earth. We need to fill ourselves with love and compassion, so much so that there is no way negativity can penetrate that shield!
Am I a shining example of this? No way. But do I try to learn from my past experiences? Yes. Do I try to think before I react? Yes. Does it always work? No. But that isn't the point nor is it the message. I am aware of what nurtures me and my loved ones. I owe it to myself and the people I love to constantly be aware. If you can get that far, I think you're already one step ahead.
Life truly is a journey.

“Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.”
-Deepak Chopra

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

The Hunger Pains: Life After Fasting.

I'm alive!!!
I survived the fast and can I say that I miss it? On Saturday when my fast was over I started my day by going to the gym and weighing myself and the final number for muscle/fat lost was 8lbs also keep in my mind my body was retaining no fluid as I had no sodium in my system. After the gym I went grocery shopping and picked a bunch of fresh fruit, veggies and nuts for my week of eating. I was actually a little nervous about eating  and wasn't really looking forward to it. I wanted to make sure that I was going to feed my body the proper foods to wake my digestive system up. That Saturday I ate nuts, an egg, fruit and some lettuce. Very, very small portions as well. Can I tell you that my body sure felt weird with food going back into it. It felt as if my intestines were a flat balloon and all of a sudden air was being blown into it and they were popping back up. All though I thought I was eating pretty safely, the sulphur dried fruit in the nut mix had a horrible reaction in my stomach. I started cramping and bloating very badly. I expected some bloat to come as I was introducing food back in but I was eating very little but was very bloated. This lasted into Monday. I have been eating very conservatively but on Tuesday night I went out for a birthday dinner. I decided to eat almost none of Tuesday so that I would have plenty of room for dinner but do you know what happens when you don't eat? Your stomach shrinks to the size of a walnut. I should had known better but I pigged out and am currently suffering the bloating/cramping side effects still.
I'm really trying to figure out the best diet for myself and I learned something the other day that made me come up with a theory.
Foods can be broken down into three simple categories: Fat, protein and carbs. I was told that vegetables and fruit are carbs and for some reason this never dawned on me but if it's not protein or fat then it must be a carb. With this theory, if you were to eat a 100% veggie and, that would mean that you are eating a 100% carb diet. This diet works for only certain people but from what I found by eating veggies/fruit for two weeks and eating whatever I wanted for two weeks is that there was no difference for me!! No weight lost or gained. Obviously one is more healthy but by how much if it's not actually doing anything for my body? The best diet that I have found that works for me is high fat, with moderate protein and low carbs and if you are going to eat tons of veggies, add a lot of olive oil and avocados and if you're going to eat a lot of fruit, add a lot of full fat Greek yogurt. I'm talking 11% full fat Greek yogurt. The only brand I've found that has this high of a fat percentage is Krema. It's got a ton of fat and protein but little carbohydrates. If you compare the full fat Greek yogurt to 0% Greek yogurt, the calories are virtually the same but what one lacks in fat and protein the other makes up with the replacement of sugar and high carbs. There is always the 35cal per serving Source yogurt but my god what is that exactly giving my body? The Greek yogurt is light and tangy and honestly I could eat tub after tub. I do also think that veggie fruit need a medium of fat/protein for the body to utilize and digest the food for all the properties that they have.
I shall continue this diet for the next few weeks and let you know how it goes. As it stands right now, I will be doing a fast every month from 3-5 days as I believe it is an integral part to physical and mental health.
May the force be with you all.

Friday, March 14, 2014

The Hunger Pains. Fasting: End of day 4.

End of day 4, start of day 5!
Yesterday went well, mentally I'm not even hungry. I feel like I can go forever, I see how people could do 30 day fasts. The mental struggles are gone and what is left is clarity. Stay with me here, it's gonna get a bit out there. First of all without having to spend time thinking, preparing and eating food you actually have a lot more time on your hands then you know what to do with so your thoughts go wild. You spend a lot of time in your head and I think that time in your head gives great perspective. I feel very clear headed and hypersensitive. I'm hearing everything all at once. For instance it's hard sleeping because the sound of my heart beating is keeping me up. I also feel much more in control of my emotions and can really handle situations that would usually aggravate or upset me. I feel like I've broken through to another dimension and I'm on the outside looking in and observing. This could be actually happening or I could just be hallucinating from the lack of food haha who knows, but why not entertain each theory. The closest I can relate this experience would be to taking any kind of drug and feeling a bit loopy but with a sense of being completely and utterly aware of everything that's around and that isn't around.
My mental issues have done a complete 180 but is seems that my physical symptoms are upping it a notch. Yesterday I did feel some light headedness and some shaking before going to bed. My blood sugar yesterday at around 3 was 4.2 so its hard to say if these symptoms later at night correlated to my blood sugar being low. I am also very very warm still. This morning I can really feel the lethargy in my quads as if the muscle has been removed from the bone and it is just sitting there. My stomach is becoming concave because of the shrinking of the stomach and intestines. I am drinking tons of water but still feel dehydrated because of the lack of sodium and not being able to retain any of it but I still don't feel hungry.
Some great perspective was shown to me the other day in words: A building has it's main system and it's back up generator. You don't constantly run the system without testing out the back up generator and that is a direct analogy for fasting. How do you know what you're body can handle if you never test it. You're pushing your body into it's survival state and I would like to know that if the day came I would be able to easily transition into it. Do you do the same thing day in and day out and hope that when the day comes that you need to do something drastic like not eat, that you can handle it mentally and physically? Fasting is just another way we push ourselves. We push ourselves physically all the time, we should do the same mentally. Because the day may come when you will need your mental strength.
The body is only as strong as the mind.
May the force be with you all.

  <----------My brain right now.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

The Hunger Pains. Fasting: End of day 3.

End of day 3 of fasting, start of day 4!
When I decided to do this fast I did not take into account that I may be working night shift at the hospital and lo and behold, night shift last night!!! It's very different fasting and not sleeping as well. Energy surprisingly wasn't an issue at all. The only problem? Explaining to everyone why you can't eat they're cookies and chocolates that they're offering you. Have you ever seen someone look as depressed as when they're food gets rejected? Night shift was a breeze and I feel completely refreshed after only about 2 hours of sleep. Maybe there is something to this fasting thing after all?
As I said before, I am mixing juice with water to dilute it so on the way to night shift last night I stopped at Safeway to buy some juice, 100% juice, not from concentrate. I went to the cold section first and all the health juices, even POM were all from concentrate, so what's the difference between POM and Dole? Marketing. I then went to the aisle with all the other juices. They had a whole section of natural and organic juices but they were all from concentrate!!! Every single one. I was actually quite surprised how juice can be marketed as natural but contain fillers such as Xantham gum. Xanthamm gum is in absolutely everything! But is actually not very good for you at all. 
Xanthan gum is a largely indigestible polysaccharide It works by placing the bacteria in a growth medium that contains sugars and other nutrients, and the resulting product of bacterial fermentation is purified, dried, powdered, and sold as Xanthan gum. Zero nutritional benefit and hard on your system.
The only juice I could find that was from 100% fruit was a blueberry juice from Lakewood Organic and cost a pretty $13.50 after taxes. So real juice is $13.50 dollars, real tomatoes are $2.50 a pound, and real bread is $5 a loaf but they're unhealthy counterparts are $1.50 for concentrate, tomatoes are $1.50 a pound and a loaf of bread is $1. Many people have no choice but to buy the cheaper products because those are the people who that junk is geared to and it is a shame that the companies who play into this act as if they have no role in the rising health pandemic
But I digress.
Now, the only symptom I seem to be experiencing is a rise in body temperature. My skin feels like it is on fire but internally I feel cool as a cucumber. That is my body repairing itself and burning fat (and muscle) for energy. It's kind of nice. It feels like I am always in the car with the heater on.
Yesterday my blood sugar at noon as 5.2 and 4.2 at three. Blood sugars remain stable and still not one headache yet!!
Day 4 should be easy breezy beautiful cover girl and then tomorrow is the last day! It has been an adventure. Will check in tomorrow before my final day of fasting!
May the force be with you all.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

The Hunger Pains. Fasting: End of day 2.

Hey there!
Still alive and it's the start of day 3. Yesterday went well besides the constant fantasizing about food. It was a day long debate in my head about what I'm going to eat on Saturday. So far my choices are:
-A big bowl of veggies sautéed with olive oil, garlic, an over easy egg on top and avocado.
-Trail mix .
-Greek yoghurt with fruit.
I would kill for any of those right now. It may seem sadistic but I am willingly cooking my boyfriends dinners. For some reason being around the food, cooking it and smelling it keeps my mind occupied and it makes my cravings seize and desist. Sick eh?
Yesterday I took my blood sugar and it was 4.9, which is pretty good seeing as I haven't eaten for two days. I was taught that normal levels are 4-7 but I see hospitals have changed it to 3-11, so I'm right on point. I was feeling a bit light headed so I mixed some juice with water to dilute it and I felt right as rain.
I have also noticed that the light headedness comes whenever I stand up so I have to be a bit careful and slow down when I get up and change position. I feel like I'm 90 years old who needs a stand by at all times.
I was dreaming about my oats for a while tho but what I've found out about oats is that it is a resilient food but to it's detriment. It can grow well in poor soils, which makes it a great candidate for over cropped soils. Would you waste your good soil on oats when you can grow it just as well in poor soil? Of course not!! But as we know, we essentially eat the soil food was grown in because the food will soak up that soils attributes.
So organic or not organic oats, doesn't really matter because in the end everyone wants to make money and your food can still be organic grown in poor soil. Learning that kind of ting burst my bubble about oats:(:(
Day 3 here I come! I've been waking up later and later each day to make the time I'm awake being hungry less and less hahah.
Here's the link for oats so you can see what kind of conditions they can grow in:

May the force be with you all:)

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

The Hunger Pains. Fasting: End of day 1.

    After my decision to quit coke zero and coffee I have noticed that I feel better then ever. Don't get me wrong, there are days that I would kill for a $1 drink from McDonald's or a cup of coffee but I know it's not worth it. The biggest differences I have noticed is that I no longer crash at about 3 or 4 p.m., where I would usually have had another cup of coffee to pick me back up. I also noticed that I look younger! Hallelujah! Have I found the fountain of youth? Maybe not quite but still I have no puffiness in my face, my pores are smaller, no bloating and no dark circles under my eyes. I would also like to take this time to formally apologize to my kidneys and urinary system for the years of abuse, I can only imagine how grateful they are right now.
Making that change was one of the best decisions of my life so I started to think what else I could change to better myself. I've decided to completely cut out processed foods and this means anything that has more then one ingredient. I don't need to buy almond milk, I can make my own. Did you know that real almond milk should last 2 days not 30? Shocking! but even the health food industry is out to make money to, so who can  you trust? You can trust yourself and what you make. All though the produce is not always what it seems to be; is everything claiming to be natural and organic these days? but at least you have much more control over what you put into your body.
I felt like I needed a cleansing of my system before starting this new way of life so I decided to go on a 5 day fast. 5 days might not seem like a lot in the grand scheme of things but I know that not eating for 4 hours drives me insane. There are people who fast for 30 days! I truly commend them for the will power and ability not to murder every single person they see within that time period.
I started my fast yesterday March 10. 14. So far so good. Yesterday I was pretty hungry because I would usually wake up, have a big bowl of oatmeal with fruit and almond milk so my little tummy was screaming for breakfast. The day went by pretty okay. I had tea and water but the real trouble started when I was trying to sleep. I don't know if that's because my body was cleansing out toxins or that I was so damn hungry I couldn't sleep. One thing I didn't count on was the difficulty to drink fluids when you don't eat. I'm not thirsty at all! and when I do drink cold water, it shocks my stomach and I can feel it contract even more. I can basically only drink warm water and tea but even that is a challenge.
I have done some research into fasting and the benefits seem to be to good to pass up, in fact many people suggest doing a 5 day fast every month.
They say the first 1-2 days of a fast is when you feel a detox effect from your digestive organs and liver. Day 3-5 your body goes into organ repair mode. I'm resting my bodies organs so now instead of trying to repair themselves while working they can focus solely on repairing themselves.
The only down side of fasting besides the hunger pains is the loss of muscle mass, which kind of goes against my goal of gaining weight but I feel that before I can continue my journey I need a reset.
It's the morning of Day 2 and I'm feeling pretty good, counting down the hours but good. I just have to get past Day 3 and then I figure it will be smooth sailing. Wish me luck! I'll check in tomorrow if I haven't fainted. May the force be with you all!

I tried doing half an hour of cardio yesterday and it was a horrible decision. I got through 25 minutes and stopped. If I want my body to be relaxed and repair itself the worst thing I can do is stress it with exercise. I'll see you at the gym on Saturday where I can weigh myself to see how much muscle I've lost!