Wednesday, May 7, 2014

I'm so excited and I just can't hide it!

I had a moment of clarity the other day! Sometimes we can get to these conclusions with love and guidance, other times we need to be  forced into them and reflect on the explosive situations. Unfortunately mine wasn't so guided, I was pushed off the edge!
I had a "heated discussion" with my loved one the other day about decisions and the decision making process. For me, I consider myself a very rational person and feel like my decisions are completely thought out and rationalized before they are made but there is a difference between thinking things through and going with what you're feeling. Sometimes when I am asked why I made a certain decision I am able to give a good explanation but other times, I will rush into a decision and my only explanation is "because I wanted to". More often then not this will catch you out and cost you time and money.
It's not a bad thing to know why you do things, in fact it's quite empowering and is how true passion is developed. If you can't explain why you love something or why you feel a certain way about a topic, then how you can truly have passion if there is no understanding for the source of that passion?
I may be reading into things a bit too far but in order to understand the most complex things, you need to start from square one, from natta, from zero.
I had to take a bit of a walk. And on this walk, I stepped outside myself and viewed the situation for what it was, an opportunity for deep understating, When you're upset or aggravated, you're pathways are open and the energy is flowing. Use that energy to excite every neuron you have and try to harness into a positive state where you feel like you have an endless amount of energy to focus on several different views at once. When harnessed correctly, I believe this can bring clarity and rationality because you are able to compare many different views at once.
How I ended up explaining it to myself was like this:
My role that I play for myself is to recognize my triggers that are anger, defensiveness and excitement. If I feel any one of these emotions, I know I need to take a second to review the situation.
It's easy to see that anger and defensiveness go hand and hand. They are negative feelings that are easy to identify, stopping them is another thing, but lets take it step by step. Why do I get defensive when I am questioned about what I believe in or a decision I have made. It is simple. I lack the depth needed to justify the topic or decision. When I can't explain why I like something or why I have done something besides saying "because" it catches me off guard and puts me on the spot so sometimes instead of stopping, doing some more research or thinking things through a little more, I resort to the primitive emotion of defensiveness because it is a fail safe and very easy to execute. Extremely harmful to you inner energy tho.
When defensiveness is pushed to far, you end up with anger. An emotion that controls you. It is very hard to control anger, and there are very few times when I actually feel angry. I may feel irritated or annoyed but very few seldom am I actually angry. Anger is so poisonous and is a virus that controls your thoughts and behaviors. If possible stop your attitude at being defensive and try not to let it get to anger because it usually does not end well and there are usually regrets.
It may seem strange that I say excitement is a trigger for me to take a minute and look at a situation but I make rash decisions in moments of excitement. When I feel excited, everything looks great! I'm not even thinking about the negative sides of a situation, all I'm thinking about is how great it can be and it is in those moments that the worst decisions are made because you are making a decision based on the best case scenario and any of us that know life, know that our best case scenarios hardly come true.
I think our modern day has taken excitement and completely changed what it means. I think we have used it as a scape goat. We get happiness from excitement, when we should be getting excitement from happiness. Let me explain what I mean. There must be a starting point for excitement to stem from. If excitement relies on going out or planning a trip in a year, you will be left feeling empty and let down. What if you wait all week to go out with your friends and you're super excited but then all of a sudden they cancel on Friday night, or you go out and you blow a bunch of money, get too drunk or get in a fight? The ultimate high of excitement is brought back to square one in a matter of seconds and you're left with let down expectations. We rely on excitement to get us through life. We work all year to go on that two week vacation. And after time, those two weeks aren't enough, or going out on Friday night isn't enough.. Excitement is a drug that we constantly need more of to get the same high. Excitement is a cheap form of happiness. Is a false face for happiness, an impostor. We have distorted the meaning of it to help us cope with life. Normalcy is not enough for people these days, they need to be excited about everything. Every day. Where they're going to eat, what they're going to do on the weekend. But if we can find content in our every day lives, enjoying the simple conversations with others or sitting by the water, we can truly be happy. Is there a reason why suicide and depression is at an all time high? I believe it is because we live so long on adrenaline and excitement, that when there's nothing to look forward to, we don't know what to do with ourselves.
There is nothing wrong with pure, organic excitement , all I am saying is look at why you feel that way and if you are feeling excitement because you are happy or if you're feeling happy because you're excited. One will leave you with a constant no matter what the outcome and one will leave you with disappointment.
Excitement in it's unnatural state is volatile and is one of the most dangerous of emotions because often it disguises itself as something that is is not and leads you down a path of irrationality.
Just another take on it. What do you think?