Thursday, December 31, 2015

New Year's Resolution

I'm not one to set any kind of resolution for myself as I hate the thought of failure big or small and know that if it's to met to a T I will just feel like crap about myself so instead of a resolution, I'm going to start working towards a positive conscious shift. 
Over the last year or so I have developed a habit of entering into a situation or conversation expecting a negative response or reaction which dictates the way I carry or present myself. I have always somewhat been that way but it has gotten worse as I get older. I don't know if it's because I've gotten more cynical with age or that the thought of reality and mortality is starting to set in so I'm subconsciously tying to stop myself from wasting any time on potential conversations or relationships that go no where.
I find that this is a self destructive behaviour and only leads to bitterness and eventual isolation which no one really wants. All though I do believe that it is hard to form connections or real relationships on any kind of deeper level these days, that doesn't mean I need to throw in the towel and stop trying. Making one friend or having one nice conversation out of 100 potentially bad ones are not horrible odds and when it does happen it feels that much more rewarding and if it doesn't happen then it doesn't effect you because you have remained positive.
Say what you want and do want you want to do expecting that it will be received positively and with open arms. Obviously know your limitations and have a social filter to some degree but have conviction without aggression and speak hoping to fall on open ears. Don't shy away because you feel that no one is paying attention or listening, in fact make a point of being open and honest about it and just laugh it off because it will not effect you or your positivity. Be light on your feet, even when your shoulders are heavy because it will eat away a you and destroy you until you're simply going through the motions. 
Share yourself expecting positivity.

Happy New Years.



Baby Talk

 I've never been the most maternal person but have accepted the fact that at some point I will probably have kids, all though I will try my hardest to prolong it as much as possible as I don't think I'm quite ready to be a bonafide adult yet and I'm  not completely comfortable with the fact that a parasite will  be using my body as a host, slowly draining it of it's nutrients and feeding until it grows the strength to over power and break free from the vesicle it had been draining for 9 months but I heard kids are great once you can get past that.
Which brings me to this topic. A work mate of my is heavily pregnant and about to pop any day and have a little "bub"of her own. We often have chats about life's awkward moments and what gets the brain thinking about the fundamentals of life and how you and others perceive them.
Just today I was looking at her and told her, "Everyone knows you 100% have had sex". That is basically the only time in your life someone you know has 100% had sex, there is a physical representation of fornication. It's like, you could deny having sex until your blue in the face but once your pregnant or have kids, the jig is up, where as guys get to live in anonymity their whole lives and plead the fifth until their dying day.*sigh*.
That's weird in itself but you know what's weirder? Is when people tell you they're "trying" , which basically means their having lots of sex. In no other situation would you really tell people that you're having sex all the time but for some reason when it involves procreating it's completely acceptable. I may be a nurse but I don't really want to know that you're having sex like rabbits all of the time trying to conceive and when they do conceive and she grows a big balloon, I just think to myself, well, all that fudging really paid off and I know for a fact that you had sex and you ween't just all talk.