Monday, February 29, 2016

King Leo

 First off, yes, a million times yes. Yes to infinity and beyond. Yes until the stars fall from the sky and the moon explodes. Yes for now and forever. Leo has finally won his Oscar. We can go on and on about how there are so many amazing actors who have never one an Oscar ( Johnny Depp, all though I am totally over cool hipster Johnny D)etc. but there is honestly no one who deserved an Oscar more than Leo. I will get into Leo's movies in a minute here but Leo is one of the last actors out there that you feel connected to. I'm not insane but I feel like I know Leo somewhat (hence why I call him Leo) but he is not only such a fine actor and such a pleasure to watch but he's also very you get what you see. He loves supermodels, yachts and climate change; no surprises and nothing to hide. He is one of the last greats standing and deserves tonight more than anyone in my opinion.

My list of movies Leo should had won an Oscar for (My top 5):

  1. Titanic: Yes, this is my inner fan girl screaming at the top of her lungs and kissing Leonardo DiCaprio Valentines in Teen Magazine but come on, it doesn't matter if you were a 10 year old girl or a 40 year old man, you loved Jack Dawson and you still do. He seemed wise beyond his years and the friendship and love that was portrayed on screen with the wonderful Kate Winslet is timeless and is still more than relevant today.
  2. The Departed: Yessssss. Leo as an undercover cop? Yes, please. He was absolutely superb in this film and managed to stand out amongst so many hard hitters. He was that cop with a bit of an edge and dedication to the job. I've never seen a better undercover cop film in my life and yes, it was due to every ones part in it but would it had been the same without Leo? Not a chance! And that's what we've got to ask ourselves here. Replace anyone of Leo's roles with someone else and do you think it would be just as good? What a silly question, of course not.
  3. Blood Diamond: Give me Leo with an accent any day of the week and I'm all in. Leo truly shines with the characters he is given. He is relatable and believable at the same time. It's like when you see him on the screen, you know it's Leo but whatever role he's playing seems so real, like you could reach out and talk with that character; his acting is completely submersive and Blood Diamond was no different. The most beautiful thing about Leo is that he allows those around him to shine and Blood Diamond I felt that he gave a platform for Djimon Hounsou to really excel and in the end turned out such a dynamic duo on the screen that you just could not look away.
  4. Django Unchained: Monster of a character! He was vile but yet you liked him and you couldn't wait to see where he was going. He was racist, egotistical and sick but why oh god why did we like him? He played the character to a T and completely committed to the role. If he was going to be vile, he was going to be vile but he was going to inject that Leo charm that we know and love to make it impossible to look away. I honestly thought he was going to win Best Supporting Actor that year for this role.
  5. The Wolf of Wall Street: He was robbed! Robbed I tell ya! Pompous, swindling prick but god almighty his speeches and monologues were scene stealing. No one could compete with what he brought. Again, everyone shone because of him and because of that he was electrifying. The scene where he is high on booze and qualudes and attempts to get out of his car is hysterical and captivating. I probably re watched that one scene a million times over. Some people thought he shouldn't had won because he was playing a role that rocked. He was a playboy, millionaire with a drinking and drug problem but I'm sorry since when did winning an Oscar mean you had to lose or gain a ton of weight and completely physically transform yourself? It's about the commitment and realness an actor gives to a character and he nailed The Wolf of Wall Street.
I think It goes without saying that he was absolutely perfect in the Revenant and absolutely killed that role. He was almost unrecognisable in every way but still had that glimmer of Leo and that's what I like; I want to still know who I'm watching. The beautiful landscape that he fit so perfectly into and the tearful relationships with the Natives was just heart breaking. Again, no need to say how incredible he and the film was. On a last note, I've never been attacked by a bear but I can only imagine that, that is what it would look like. My god, complete annihilation. Leo 0 - Bear 1 but Leo 1 Oscar - Bear None. So take that.
You could give honourable mentions to all his films but in particular to Leo playing a handicapped boy in What's Eating Gilbert Grape or his portrayal of King Louise and Phillipe in The Man in The Iron Mask. And even with his long glorious locks in The Man in The Iron Mask, I was still hopelessly in love. Besides these incredible films, he also gave us cult classics like The Beach and Romeo and Juliet. Nothing was more bad ass then watching The Beach at a sleepover and trying to conceal the evidence from your parents the next day.
I actually had my mom live messaging me from Canada so I would know the moment he won and you know what my first question was? Did they show Kate Winslet's face when he won and what did it look like? We all know they should end up together. You cannot fake a Jack and Rose love, you just can't. They belonged together 20 years ago and they still do today. Even if it's not eternal love, it's eternal friendship but there will always be a piece of me that holds onto hope that they will live happily ever after.
I rushed home from work and watched his speech immediately and it was perfect. What a gentleman, what poise to act like he wouldn't have killed everyone in the room if he had not won and Kate Winslet's longing and love on her face when he was speaking, I mean you just can't write it any more perfectly.

I feel insane but I just feel so at peace now that Leo has won, like now it doesn't matter anymore. These awards were built for Leo and they can go away now. Of course I love many other actors and actresses but it always boiled down to Leo. And all though the award means absolutely nothing really, it just felt like such a disservice that he had never received one and now all is right in the world.
I shall miss the memes of Leo as they were hilarious but I will gladly give up a laugh or two knowing Leo has finally reached the goal line.
I'm not insane, truly but I'll never let go Jack.

Monday, February 22, 2016

I Hate, "The Hateful Eight" -WARNING SPOILERS

I hate, “The Hateful Eight”.
I just want to start this by saying that I am a huge fan of Quentin Tarantino. I think he is absolutely brilliant and completely unique in his style and execution; you always know a Tarantino film when you see it.
I have loved everything from Reservoir Dogs to Django but unfortunately ”The Hateful Eight” did not even come close to what I have come to expect from the calibre of Tarantino.
Again, to make this simple, let’s just do a pros and cons list with 5 of the most pertinent points.
  1. It was nice to see Kurt Russell acting again. I have been a Kurt Russell fan since Over board and thought he was bad ass in Death proof. He hasn’t lost his charm after all these years and he is still a pleasure to watch, even in such a violent role.
  2. There was one scene that was actually quite gripping that I could not look away from. Jackson's character is speaking to an old war vet about how he was hunted down after the war and that the old man's son had come looking for him to collect the bounty on his head. Jackson then describes how he made the son strip bare naked in the freezing snow, beg for mercy and perform sexual acts for the promise that Jackson would give him a blanket to warm up before killing him. The scene was disturbing and horrible but it had my undivided attention for those 10 minutes.
  3. Walter Goggins as the sheriff really stood out to me, even amongst heavy hitters such as Samuel L. Jackson and Kurt Russell. All though he was incredibly racist, his blind love for his country and indecisiveness felt like the truest nod to Tarantino's style throughout the whole film.
  4. It was a classic "who done it plot". The idea of a murder mystery is nothing new, it dates way back and when it's good, it's good and when it's bad it's painfully bad. It would have been an excellent film if the "who done it plot" set in a Western and Tarantinos style of long dialogues and simple yet complicated sentencing had lined up.
  5. I'm struggling here to find positives honestly but for the last one I'll just say I like the Western set in the Winter. It had a beautiful contrast that you don't often see in Western films. It was visually pleasing to see a snowy white background with classic Western accents that are usually associated with the heat and hot weather. The whole movie was beautifully shot and I do appreciate that cinematography and detail that went into the film set.
  1. The first thing that bothered me was actually what happened after the film and that was realizing that it had been nominated for 3 Oscars, one being best supporting actress by Jennifer Jason Leigh. Her screen time was minimal, she had a small amount of dialogue and not in a good kind of way, like her vibe and presence made up for it; you were painfully aware she wasn’t speaking and she barely made an impact whatsoever. It could had been literally anyone playing the role and I feel you would have had the exact same performance. Nothing special and so not worth an Oscar nod.
  2. The dialogue. All though the dialogue structure had the Tarantino feel, it didn’t nearly meet the standards as to what is expected when you sit down to watch one of his films. The dialogue scenes were too drawn out with very little impact and the cleverness and bluntness of strangely worded sentences felt incredibly forced, like he was trying too hard to do his thing. The characters didn’t deliver the dialogue with any type of conviction and or emotion behind it, they all seemed like they were trying too hard to be witty and unusual but the whole thing defiantly felt so forced.
  3. The “bad guys” weren’t likable. You know when you watch a film and you like the bad guy so much that you end up rooting for them or feel sad when they die, well I didn’t feel that way about any character in this film. In D’Jango, Leonardo Dicaprio was despicable but did you like him? The answer is yes but this film gave the characters no redeeming qualities and I couldn’t wait until they were killed off.
  4. Two words, Channing Tatum. Can Channing do comedy? Yes. Can Channing do action? Yes. Can Channing strip and dance like the rent is two months due? Most defiantly. But, you know what he can’t do, deliver a Quentin Tarrantino script. Watching him felt like he was delivering dialogue he didn't understand or that he had seen for the first time that morning; cringe worthy at the best of times.
  5. Samuel L. Jackson was a huge let down. We love angry Samuel. He has delivered some very compelling performances and I was quite pleased to see him top billed for this film but perhaps there's a reason he's always a side character in Tarantion's film. He lacked the authority to lead a cast and didn't feel like a main character whatsoever. Maybe that is what Tarantino was going for but there's always a stand out, it's kind of a movies natural selection and amongst the other sub par performances you would think an actor like Jackson would have no issues but it felt that he didn't stand out not because he didn't want to but because he couldn't.
This is simply my opinion. My partner actually quite liked the film and had some valid points as to why he liked it but I just didn't. You can't force yourself to like a film; you just know once a film is finished how it made you feel and this film left me feeling extremely disappointed. I wanted to like this film so bad. I wanted to text my friends and tell them that they had too see it but I would be lying to myself if I did that. Perhaps I had too high of expectations or perhaps I'm missing something magical that everyone else can see except me. Who knows. All I know is that a rating of 8/10 on blows my mind as I would give it a 4/10 and that is being generous.

My favourite Tarantino (as director) films in order:

  1. Pulp Fiction
  2. Django Unchained
  3. Reservoir Dogs
  4. Kill Bill Vol 1
  5. Death Proof
  6. Kill Bill Vol 2
  7. Inglorious Bastards
  8. Jackie Brown
  9. The Hateful Eight

Monday, February 15, 2016

Blame Those You Love Most!

"Have you seen my keys?"
"Well I put them here last."
"Well, I haven't moved them."
Well you must have because I didn't - Oh wait here they are!"

Have you ever noticed how quickly we turn on the ones we love when something isn't going our way. You could have hearts in your eyes all day and nothing but hugs and cuddles but as soon as you can't find your cell phone or keys, who's the first person we blame? Well, anyone but ourselves but we literally try to push the blame on those we love the most. Isn't human nature a wonderful thing?
There's no way we could had possibly misplaced the item or it could had been moved accidentally, it must had been the only other person we live with that has no reason to touch the thing we've lost.
I know myself I do it all the time, I think it's to try and resolve myself of accountability and all responsibility for seething that's gone wrong; I'm working on that. I still think that I haven't done anything wrong but I'm trying to not verbalise it until I've searched the premises two or three times with no luck.
It goes something like this:

(search the apartment three times for remote)
"Honey pie have you seen the remote?"(you must have moved it because I didn't)
"No I haven't seen it."
"Are you sure angel?" (I know you fucking moved it, just admit it."
"Nope haven't seen it."
"Oh, how silly and strange this is, it's like a ghost has picked it up and moved it." (I swear to god if you don't tell me where you put it I'm going to fucking kil-)
"Oh, here it is! Love you so much baby sweetie."

The trick is to stay calm and collected on the outside. Do this by being overly loving and affectionate, not so much that they suspect your internal struggle but not so little so that you seem passive aggressive; it's a delicate line to walk.
And it's not being fake or playing a game it's faking it until you make it. Why would you act n an impulse when you know better? Why ruin a moment or a day because of a quick negative reaction? Even if you're feeling it, push it down and handle the situation the way you know you should and here's hoping that eventually it will become a natural reaction. I feel like that is the way you better yourself in general; you act the way you know you should even tho your mind is telling you something different and eventual practice turns into habit.

Here's to being a better person, now where did I put my god damn keys?

Monday, February 8, 2016

Sexy Hockey

You know what words go extremely well together, sexy and hockey.
I played hockey all through growing up and for a majority of the time I played with the boys; just one of the boys, what every girl wants.
There are some positives to it. I did become a fairly good hockey player and that would be about it.
In exchange for being a good hockey player I gained an understanding of how to function through being uncomfortable almost always and being in a room of people for an hour and not saying a word.
Again, those moments I am so grateful for because now I can handle almost any uncomfortable situation and actually like being in it. There is something exhilarating about being embarrassed or uncomfortable because we are so used to be comfortable and flying under the radar that when a situation that is out of the norm arises we don't know how to react but that's where I truly flourish!
So, boys will be boys and girls will be girls and we will develop crushes on each other and I was no exception.
Let me paint you a picture.
I was early teens Larissa and right in my full glory of short hair and chubby cheeks. I most defiantly had crushes on many of my fellow team mates and what does a hockey player in the wild do to attract these creatures? Well, try to be sexy in hockey equipment of course.
There were several techniques I would employ to try and catch the attention of my team mates.

  1. Skate sexy. I don't know how this is even possible or what it even looked like but I think it involved taking longer strides so that my legs looked longer and to swish my hips just like Shakira from her "Whenever, Wherever" video.
  2. Arch back and push butt out. When in the players box I would lean on the edge and try to arch my back and push my butt out. Yes, this was all while wearing heavily padded equipment. So no one could even notice (if they were even looking) and I developed a sore lower back. Win-win!
  3. Drink water sexy. There were times when you were so tired from playing that you just dumped the water on your face and hope that some ends up in your mouth but when I could remember I would try and take small sips to try and appear more feminine and sexy.
  4. Arrive at the rink looking sexy. This would include my curled short bangs and lavender pastel top. Only the best of the best.
So as you can see my game plan was to do everything I would normally do but with a sexy flare to it. Sexy walking, sexy skating, sexy laughing just do everything but put the word sexy in front of it.
At that age I had no idea what sexy even was (thank god for that). 
As you can see my seduction skills were on par with Sharon Stone from Fatal Attraction and with moves like those it's a wonder how I stayed single until I was 20.

Monday, February 1, 2016

The Most Beautiful Girl In The World

 I think we all know that teenagers these days are not like how we were when we were teenagers.
Life would had been so much better if I knew how to contour, eat healthy and straighten my hair from a younger age.
I suppose I am grateful tho, life isn't meant to be easy and being awkward looking in my early teens set me up to appreciate looking normal at the ripe old age of 27 (almost 28, I'm a late bloomer).
Some people say kids have it so easy today because they are becoming more and more mature and have easier access to technology at an earlier age, but what a price to pay for a pre-mature loss of innocence.
You are supposed to apply white eyeshadow, have acne and wear crushed velvet turtle necks (I may or may not still own one or two).
Not only do those types of horribly embarrassing things build character but it also gives you plenty of material for later on in life when you're feeling down and need a laugh.
But I pity these girls and boys who have such high standards to live up to these days. It must be so hard to see things like the Kardashians and feel the pressure to live up to a certain image.
That is why I would like to take a moment to show these kids what they've missed out on experiencing.
Case in point:

First on the agenda, please take note of my incredibly short hair cut. I would grown my hair out for the whole year and then when summer came around I would chop it all off because it would be hot and we would be swimming and I wanted it to dry faster (bonus points young Larissa for being so practical). I liken it to a dog getting a summer haircut or sheep being sheered. Why that short? Could had been a little longer and maybe that would have added a few more drying minutes to my routine but I would have looked 10 times better. Nope! Why look good when you can have super fast drying hair!
Hand in hand with the short hair are the bangs. Now, bangs are okay at the best of times and that is at the best of times but I thought I would 
A.) Cut my own bangs 
B.) Cut them extremely short 
C.) Curl them inward 
D.) Part them in the middle
And the answer is, ALL OF THE ABOVE. I was always a person of extremes and my short hair looked just like Drew Barrymore, therefore I looked just like Drew Barrymore. Common sense people.
Now, I'm sure we can all notice those chubby cheeks. This was around the grade 7/8 era before I utilised he gym and my vegan/vegetarian lifestyle. I definitely liked me some snackies and didn't understand how a calorie worked.
There is one thing that perplexes me about this photo (besides the obviously poor decision making) is my eyebrows. Now I know I'm from the generation of skinny eyebrows and that's why I have such a large part in between them in the photo but here's the thing, I didn't pluck my eyebrows. God knows I tried. I thought that if I could pluck my eye brows thin enough I would look just like Charlize Theron but my tweezers were super cheap and never actually grabbed any hairs so there's no reason for there to be such a large gap. I'm thinking my eyebrows were late bloomers and didn't fully grow in until my early 20's.
And for the clothes. Just how smart do I looked in my 3/4 length dark denim button up? I was a teenager, why was I dressing like a 35 year old that's never been on a date before? Looking back I cringe but at the time nothing looked better than my jean shirt and short bangs or the pastel lavender top and white sports bra. I once wore that pastel lavender top, really rosey blush and curled my hair into soft waves and one of my teachers told me I looked like Kate Winslet. I think teachers constantly trolled us by giving us compliments that weren't true and then they would meet in the staff room and share stories about what gullible idiots we were. But if I looked like Kate Winslet then that means Leonardo DiCaprio would totally love me.
Maybe it wasn't so bad because after all my mom reassured me I was the "most beautiful girl in the world".